The Letter

 

Today’s Date

Dear So and So,

We regret to inform you…

 

Do you really?  Are you sad, do you feel bad?  What’s your excuse now, I didn’t pass, I was late, I didn’t get the entrance fee to you in time, I used the wrong fork, you already have too many people like me, I part my hair on the wrong side, I live beyond the allowable distance, I dress funny, Excuse me – I mean I don’t have the proper attire, I didn’t vote for your favorite crook, I have a bad attitude, I didn’t use a number 2 pencil, I chewed gum during the interview, you checked my references, I’m too old, I haven’t met the unpublished standards set by your organization, I’m over the weight limit, You have video of me cheating on the exam, I’m a smoker, You don’t believe my parakeet is a service animal, You’re still annoyed that I sued you, I’m the wrong gender, You’ve had dealings with me in the past, I don’t fit the image of your company, I showed up drunk to the interview, I talk too much, I come off a little pushy, I stole the stapler off of your desk after the interview, I gave your sister only one star and a bad review, My car leaked oil in your parking lot, You talked to my last employer?  Come on – just tell me, why do you regret to inform me.  Don't make me guess.

Sincerely 

So and So