A North Woods Snack

 

I expected the water to be cold, but not that cold.  A cabin in the North woods comes with a few expectations.  There are going to be bugs, there will be footprints of wild animals around and the water out of the faucet will be cold.

By nightfall the quiet had become noticeable.  The fact that I was there alone was now underlined.  I felt secure in that the door was closed and locked, and yet I couldn’t help but feel somehow vulnerable.  It may have been the size of the footprint just outside the cabin that had my focus.  I assumed it was from a large cat, maybe a mountain lion.  I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t think it was a bear. 

For just a brief moment I imagined the cabin as packaging and I was the gooey treat inside, soon to be torn opened by some large-toothed animal who happened along with the right amount of pocket change to buy me.

I needed to stop thinking like that, or I’d be too focused on the sounds outside to ever fall asleep.  Who was I kidding?  There was no way I was going to sleep.  Every nighttime sound seemed magnified.  The owls appeared to be yammering about something, the crickets were at full volume and whatever it was moving through the trees didn’t make any effort to do it quietly. 

At 20 minutes past 2, I stopped rocking back and forth in the chair.  Suddenly something was scratching on the front door, as if it wanted to be let in.  I felt a cold shiver and could feel my hands gripping too tightly on the arms of the chair.  Relax, I told myself, there’s no key under the mat.  Whatever it is can just stay out there.   Then I tried to remember if I had locked my car.  I have seen YouTube videos of bears opening car doors.  They have no problem.

I began to wonder what I was going to do in the morning.  Even though the sun would be out and the birds chirping, whatever is at the door could still be laying there, waiting to come in.  Was fear going to hold me captive?  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 zc

 

 

Whitespace Grammar

 

Important messages live within the spaces of a paragraph.  Wherever a letter isn’t, communication is trying to get through.  The shape of each letter determines the shape of the space.  Nothing is haphazard or random. 

The key, of course, is to read the paragraph from a distance.  It takes practice to focus on the spaces.  Some say it is the same as trying to learn a foreign language.

Benjamin Franklin first perfected the system, and it is said the constitution says much more than what is on the surface.   A Wisconsin school teacher reported seeing a hidden message on a piece of sheet music, however, they were eventually terminated for continually showing up to class intoxicated.

Whitespace Grammar is real.  Its foundation is historical and the messages are packed with meaning. Future scholars most likely will suggest that many of the posts within this Blog share a border with cognitive anti-matter.  What hasn’t been proven is that when printed and folded in just the right way, an image of Ralph Nader will appear.

 

 

zc

 

 

 

 

 

Make-a-wish

 

I stood at the side of the wishing well and looked down into the darkness.  I wondered how many wishes had been answered and which ones.  Was there a secret to which received answers.  Who had gotten their wishes answered, and what was involved in making them come true?

Maybe if I better understood the process, I’d have a better chance of knowing what to wish for.  And just how long did all this take?  Did a wish have to be down there in the water for any certain amount of time.  Which begs the question, are all wishes waterproof? 

And which is the best denomination of coin to use?  Is there any correlation between the value of the coin tossed and the importance or speediness of the wish?  It would seem that a penny would be the most frequently tossed coin, while the fifty-cent piece would be like the express check-out line at the supermarket.   A top priority indeed.

 

I’d like to have the answers to all of these questions, but I’m not going to wish for them.

 

 

zc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dream Cruise

 

Life at 3 miles per hour

A True Adventure

 

One of Life’s most difficult things to find is a San Diego sweatshirt. 

Here is a place where 80° temps are the norm.  Where square footage, when it comes to selling trinkets and things, comes at a premium.

So, who in their right mind, would use up floor space to sell sweatshirts in a place where it is always summer?

I couldn’t help myself.  I, Zobostic Corwin, set out on an adventure to find such an animal.  I had heard through a few underground sources that such things did exist, but I had to see it for myself.

Even if it took all of my vacation time, I would spend every day walking the boardwalks, going in and out of the shops and questioning every bartender along the way.  I was determined.  For those of you who aren’t aware, bartenders usually have their finger on the pulse of the city.  They are in the know. They have the scoop, and the longer you sit there and talk with them, the more you can learn. 

By the evening of the fourth day, once the sun had slipped over the horizon and the temp began to drop, I found it was getting a little chilly on the stool I was on by the door.  Goose, the bartender noticed I looked a little uncomfortable and tossed me the shirt he had stashed behind the bar.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  It was a San Diego sweatshirt.

 

 I asked if I could buy it.  He gave me a sideways bartender look and said,  "Do you know how rare these are?"

zc

Not my Type

 

Finding something that wasn’t lost

trash and salad both get tossed

Before the winter comes the frost

yes this rhymes, but at what cost?

 

My status as a writer shrinks

when things I write begin to stink

When viewing all the things I think

there’s one thing left -

the kitchen sink.

 

 

 

                                       zc

It's not that I intend to write things like this
but when I take my mind out of gear
it tends to idle at gibberish speed.

It Serves a Purpose

 

It is quiet when it runs

it doesn’t even hum

No power does it need

has only the one speed

It’s nothing really new

I was hoping to have two

For as heavy as it looks

it will hold a row of books

 

 

zc

Some day

 

Eventually I will write something worthy of reading.  It will be entertaining, maybe sprinkled with a few facts and have a spark of excitement to it.  Hollywood will never use it, as it will not contain violence, murder, cops & robbers or off-color language.   But that’s fine, as I’m not writing it for Hollywood, I am writing it with you in mind. 

And yes, that is the difficult part, because I haven’t a clue as to your likes and dislikes.  I don’t know if you walk around in your socks or if you wear slippers.  Do you bother with breakfast or sleep-in and just wait for lunch?  Do you prefer color or black & white?  Do you use a pen or pencil?  Spend all day on your cell phone or read books? 

Are you someone who takes the survey at the end of the call?  Do you usually drive in the fast lane?  Do you appreciate all kinds of music?  Do you question modern art?  Do you still have something from your childhood?  Do you believe there is someone in charge of all this?  Given a choice – jog or swim?  If asked, could you name four things wrong with the criminal justice system?  Did you stop at four, or keep going?  

Do you believe car salesmen?  Do you believe we really landed on the moon? Tie shoes or loafers? Coke or Pepsi?  Did you stop reading a while ago?  Did you ever picture yourself up on the big screen?  If you could live anywhere, where would it be?  Do you believe you have a sense of humor?  Do your friends?  Plain or peanut? Paper or Plastic?

I’m sorry, but there is just way too much I don’t know about you to write anything just for you.  I’ll just keep things general.

 

zc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Side Up

 

Way back when I was in the scouts, we were taught that there were three Norths.  There is magnetic north, true north and grid north. 

Magnetic north is the actual one associated with the globe and its physical attributes.  It is the one your compass uses. However, it tends to drift, depending upon earth’s tilt and rotation.

In 1960, true north was 14° off center from magnetic north, due to the tilt of the earth, but that figure varies.  That leaves grid north, which is the designation drawn on maps.  Mathematically calculated to compensate for the flat representation of a spherical shape.

You might think that knowing these distinctions would provide a little comfort when trying to find my way somewhere.  Nothing helps.  With both hands and a flashlight, I couldn’t tell you which way is up.

Consequently, I rely heavily on my car’s GPS.  Should that fail, my best scenario would be to have a tank full of gas, because I’ll be driving in circles for some time.

What this tells me is that education isn’t always the answer.  Having retained the above facts for 66 years only shows me that I have the ability to recall a few odd facts but putting them to use, not even close.

 

 

 

 

 zc

 

 

The Canary in the Cave

 

You’re going to think I’m making this up, but I’m not.

 

Our TV would not function properly this morning, so we ran through all the little things we knew to do, in our attempt to solve the problem.  Even though, we had no clue what the problem was. 

Unplug and plug back in.  We did that a few times.  Check the batteries in the remote.  We did that and they tested low, so we replaced them, but it didn't solve anything.

Then we noticed the outside temperature was not showing up on our gizmo.  Then we noticed the small camera we have in our mailbox was not working.  That dings and shows us when something gets put into the box.

Seeing that had failed, we checked the nightlight in the laundry room.  That was not working, so we went out into the garage and checked the small fridge.  It was off.

I pushed the reset button on the outlet where the fridge was plugged in and everything sprung to life.

So, I have to ask…  Why is our television, which sits across the house from the garage fridge, connected to things like our mailbox and the outside temp gizmo and the nightlight in the laundry room?

 

Maybe the dryer vent was clogged.

 

 

 zc

Opposing views welcomed

 

Our postman drives a van.  It is not a government vehicle, but their own.  I’m not sure how all that works, considering the price of gas and the general wear and tear on the van.  It must work out to be cheaper for the post office or they wouldn’t do it.

Our mailboxes are lined up along the curb, in front of each house.  What this means is the driver must sit, not in the driver’s seat, but close to the middle, so they can reach out of the passenger window to deposit the mail into the box.  Still, they must have their foot reach the gas and brake.

Add to the uncomfortable position, stopping every few feet at the next mailbox.  All day long, day after day.  

It would seem this constant repetitive activity would have some long-term effects on the body, not to mention diminished control over the motor vehicle.

And why?  People no longer write letters.  The cost of postage has seen to that.  Email and texting has taken over, so what is so important that the mail gets through?  Phone books have disappeared, newspapers have dried up and blown away, catalogs are now electronic, so the Sears catalog is nothing but a heavy memory. 

That leaves the Vote for Me nonsense, and marginal companies mailing out lame advertising to residents and occupants.  Hardly worth the effort.  

 

 

 

 zc

 

 

 

 

 

All Picasso's in the forest are hanging straight

 

I tend to pay close attention when walking through the woods.  I wish to avoid tripping or stumbling, and I also don’t care to walk into branches or spiderwebs.

Each animal within the animal kingdom has a different footprint.  Most have claws, allowing them to grab or dig into various surfaces.  With the exception of bears, most of their feet are smaller than the human foot.

These factors allow them to travel at a higher rate of speed than we can and without mishaps.  Also, with some exceptions, many are closer to the ground and need not concern themselves with low hanging branches. 

The animals walking through the forest are like us walking through our living room.  They might brush up against a tree, just like we could possibly bump into the coffee table.  To them it is a normal and familiar environment.   Whereas a deer clomping through our house might not work out well at all for table lamps or pictures hanging on the walls.

 

 

Snakes and fish seem to be the exceptions.

 

 

Note:

I should also mention that any flowers you might have sitting around will most likely be eaten.

 

 

 

In search of a cure

 

Sometimes a thought will come to me, but it will pass by so fast, like it only flickers and then it’s gone.  Now what’s the point of that?  I can’t really do anything with it.  I don’t recall enough of it to assemble it into any cohesive intelligence.

Imagine if the companies who put those puzzle pieces in a box and sell them, well… what if they didn’t put a picture on the cover of the box.  You’d have no clue what it should be.  Is it a bridge constructed completely of Navel oranges?  Is it a litter of puppies chewing on someone’s phone bill?  Who knows?

Much of the time I feel like my level of knowledge is like that.  I know and understand so little of the world that I have no idea what to do with the pieces I do understand.  I sit here and fiddle with words and sentences when maybe if I were smarter, I could be off somewhere in a lab coat coming up with a cure for stupidity.  Wouldn’t that be grand?

I wonder…  Could it be the lab coats that make us smarter?  I know it is the men in tuxedos that are more prone to walk a bride down the aisle.  And there is an old saying that says, clothes make the man.  Could it have been this simple all along?  Are the things in my closet holding me back?

 

Then again, maybe some thoughts would have been better off as just a flicker.

 

zc

I Have My Reasons

 

I find that keeping pliers in a kitchen drawer is essential to surviving everyday life.

1.    The companies who utilize machinery to screw caps onto their bottles, always fail when it comes to monitoring the amount of pressure used to tighten the caps.  Consequently, normal finger pressure is woefully inadequate when it comes to loosening them.  Pliers are required.

 

        Number one is the primary reason, however, in addition to that they are used for pulling tabs, holding things too hot for hands, tightening things that have worked themselves loose, twisting things that require twisting and reaching into places that may be too dark and scary for fingers. You never know…  (Not toasters)

        And don't forget pretzel twisting.

zc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quiz

 

Don your sleuth fedora

and decipher if you can.

 

Side Note:

 

 

I love macaroni salad.  I could eat macaroni salad until it was coming out of my ears.

 

Someone might see me on the street and say, “Hey, you’ve got a little something coming out of your ear.”

 

Of course, I’d say… “It’s probably just an elbow.”

 

 

 

 

Road Scholars

 

If we were to see only their thoughts walking along the road, the dog walker would most likely be thinking about all of the things on her to-do list for the day, and it would all start the moment she got back to the house.  The dogs, most likely, would know instinctively the walk was just about over and would be happy to once again have their paws off of the hot asphalt.

Of course, that is just my interpretation.  In reality, I haven’t a clue.  But seeing them day after day walking along the same route, how exciting can it be?   She has an obligation to walk them, and they get to be outside of the house, if only for a few minutes.  Blah, blah, bah…

What if the dogs were much smarter than we give them credit for?  What if, as they walked along the neighborhood they were contemplating the vastness of space, or what if through their senses they could feel the tectonic plates shift and knew it was only a matter of time now.

How much different would life be if the animal kingdom could communicate with us?  Would they be constantly telling us what we were doing wrong?  How our pollution was affecting all aspects of the globe, or what the long-term effects were of our nuclear testing.  Or perhaps of how yanking on the leash hurts their neck, and oh how they wished we were smarter.

 

 

 zc

 

A Swing and a Miss

 

The short version.

A few days ago, I discovered another person who had a view of the world similar to mine.  I have to tell you, it was exciting.  It was like wandering into your bedroom and finding a stack of your favorite candy bars, you had forgotten you hid on yourself.

I couldn’t wait to tell them all about my Blog and show them that I was just over here, not far away at all and how our view of life was like looking into a mirror.  It really was as if a tiny spark ad come to life and for the moment nothing else mattered. 

Here’s the part I hadn’t realized.  The ball game was already over.  The other team was on the bus headed home and no one was going to pitch to me.  I just stood there at home plate, looking around at the empty stands.  Even the smell of hotdogs had left the air.

The new friend I had gotten all excited about was only a flickering image from previous games.  They had passed away some time ago and what I was seeing was a replay.

How foolish I felt, waiting to see if they were going to write back to me.  Their uniform had already been washed and was now hanging in the Hall of Fame.  I was nothing more than a goofy fan who had tried to grab onto a memory.  And those, as we know, fade away as quick as the crack of the bat gets carried off on the breeze.

Final Score

 

A shutout

 

 zc

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you find your way

 

Z. Corwin

They wait until dark

 

That's when they get in.

Sometimes I hear them walking
around in the ductwork.  

I'm working on it

 

Cognitive ability - further down the chain

 

I can only imagine what the fish think as they look up and see the dark shape of a boat on the surface, then notice the strange and wondrous worm suddenly dancing about before their eyes.

 

 

 zc

little bits

 

78 I’ll leave behind

as soon as I

turn 79

 

I’ll pay that price

for running shoes

as soon as I’ve

had too much booze

 

I’ll say you’re right

and sing your song

when you admit

we’d both be wrong.

 

If ever a time

for thinking quick

when grizzly heard

my camera click

 

No time to drink

no time for booze

I change my mind

on running shoes.

 

 

 Not 1000 words, but you get the picture. 

zc