Left to Write

 

This is a slow week.  As a result of that, I have enjoyed a great amount of time to simply sit here and generate gibberish.  (And isn’t that what Left-to-write is all about?) 

Just as I can tell whenever there is an issue with one of the tires on my car, so to do I notice when this keyboard becomes a little soft or drifts to one side or the other. 

It does get a lot of use, and I am unaware of just how many words it is rated for.  I know it handles the same, no matter the season.  It’s good during rain or even ice storms, as long as I keep it inside.  There’s never been an issue. 

To date, it has given me 14 books and this blog, which has been going since 2012.  Maybe I shouldn’t expect much more out of it, but the thought of visiting a keyboard dealership is not something I’m looking forward to. 

The minute they see me walking across the lot to their showroom, they’re sizing me up.  This guy will believe whatever we tell him.  Maybe we’ll even sell him the under-coating, or the additional option of retractable foot-stands, or the rust-proofing for the USB port. 

I don’t know why it has to be that way.  There should be one price, no negotiations, no haggling, just here – pay this price and walk away with your keyboard.  No prep – no destination charge, just no shenanigans.  

 

zc

Dog Tired

 

I notice the number of times going right from left always matches the number of times they travel from left heading to the right.  I’m referring to the people walking their dogs past my window.   Never have I seen any of them traveling in just one direction. 

I guess for that to happen, they would have to travel completely around the globe, once again returning to the starting position, without again passing my window.

That may require a change of clothes, and the ability to carry with them a great supply of food and water.  Possibly even a passport, vaccination record, a portable GPS and some sort of flotation, not to mention an assortment of foreign currency. 

I can see now why they simply turn around and go back the way they came.

 

 

ZC

Just so you'll know

 

The campfire was still going strong and most sitting around it were hanging on every word the Scout Master was saying, even though it was almost an hour into his story when some of them realized he had been telling about the great vegetable war of 1763. 

The biggest problem occurred during the Leek of information within the grapevine.  The supply of fresh supplies had been Artichoked off and the Fennels were being Squashed.  Mushrooms full of leaders Turniped to formulate a plan to Beet the Rutabagas, even though there had been a Radish of misinformation sprouting up from Brussels. 

An announcement came over a loudspeaker that the Mushroom was now surrounded and if the leaders didn’t surrender, Asparagus Spears would be hurled into the meeting.  The Cucumbers remained cool.

 

 

 Not everything I write is Blog worthy.  Things like this get trashed immediately, but I thought you should see what one of my rejects looks like.  It is very reject worthy.

ZC

My New Friend

 

He said his name was Nelson and he wanted to come home with me.  I tried to explain to him that I didn’t think he would like being inside and that the availability of fresh fish was extremely limited at my house.

It was at that point when he asked if there were other animals living with me, and I explained about Scooter, the cat.  He asked if Scooter had a supply of fresh fish.  Then I had to explain about cat food and how it comes in a can and that I doubt he’d like it.  He asked me what it tasted like and I had to tell him I didn’t know.  “I have never tasted it.  I can tell you, however, it smells just as bad as fish does.  Maybe even worse.”

 

Then Nelson asked, “What do you mean when you say – inside?”

 

“I live in a house.  It is an environmentally controlled place, where I don’t get wet when it rains and I don’t get snowed on in the winter.”

 

I had forgotten that Nelson had never experienced winter and had no clue what snow was.  Our conversation was getting way too involved and other people were starting to take an interest in me standing here talking with a pelican.  I thought I should just cut the conversation short and explain to Nelson that it was time for me to leave.

 

Again, he asked if he could just come with me.  I asked him why he wanted to leave this nice beach and the fresh air and the freedom of being outside.

“It’s the tourist. They drive me nuts.  Most of them want to take my picture.  Why?  I don’t know.  Some try to touch me.  I snap at them and they back away.  All of them are litter bugs.  They toss their trash everywhere.  What do they care, it’s not where they live.  What do they do with the pictures, anyway?”

 

“I think they show them to their friends and then stick them somewhere, eventually throwing them out.  The really clever ones add them to their Blog and then make up stories about them.”

 

“What’s a Blog?”

 

“I really do need to leave.  I’ll see you later, Nelson.”

 

 

 

 

ZC

 

 

 

 

 

 

Observation #41

 

The wheel is perhaps Man’s greatest invention.  You cannot count fire because that was more of a discovery than invention.  Time was also more of a discovery than something invented by Man.  It was a realization.  It was always there and Man simply noticed it.  Then he decided to keep track of it, watch it and follow its progress across the seasons. 

As more and more time accumulated. Man could see that events repeated themselves and as they did he himself changed.  It wasn’t long before Man was designing time-saving devices, even though saving time was impossible,  he found that by calling them time-saving, gullible people would spend their money buying them. 

Suddenly advertising agencies popped up everywhere.  They were making wild claims and getting rich simply by manipulating the language.  Snake oil was going to cure every ailment there was.  Formulated gas treatment would make your car new again, and just one pill a day would put the spring back in your step.  These magic shoe inserts, designed by a Doctor, will reduce the amount of spring in your step, alleviating back pain. 

The nightmare of advertising that Man created is not only still with us but has completely consumed society.   It has grown so big that controlling it is now impossible.  It is like a fungus, whose growth has no end in sight.  One advertising agency in Wisconsin has taken advantage of Man’s greatest invention and has now associated it with their product, referring to it as a Wheel of Cheese.

 

ZC

When their world crumbled around them

 

I don’t know if you remember the great cookie shortage of 42.  Throughout the entire countryside there was not a crumb to be found.  Rumors of Chocolate Chip cookies being made and smuggled in across State lines surfaced, but none were ever discovered.

Some farmers disguised portions of their fields to grow cookie dough during the night-time hours, but the heat from the day’s sun caused the dough to rise, and it was usually spotted by government agents, who confiscated it, and jailed the farmers. 

One enterprising baker made Snickerdoodles in the shape of heads of cabbage.  The popularity of his bakery grew too quickly, and the Feds soon shut him down.  As the story goes, he narrowly escaped and is now running a French patisserie under the name of Les Weforget, in the California town of Baker’s Field.  

 

 

ZC

My Advanced Directive

 

Don’t hook me up to your IV

don’t feed me squirmy Jell-O

I’ll convalesce right here at home

and drink until I’m mellow,

 

Don’t roll me on your gurney

beneath fluorescent lights

don’t wake me up at 2 am

to ask if I’m all right,

 

Don’t chart my progress daily

If you can –

just let me go,

and should I prove

to not be well

hang a tag upon my toe.

 

 

ZC

Why Not...

 

These dollars have several issues.

There isn't a space for them in the cash register.

They are too heavy for your pocket.

Too close to looking like a quarter.

Uncle Sam didn't bother to ask me

before making a ton of them.

A Flickering Life

 

Living now at the far end of the spectrum, I’m noticing more and more names I’ve known and the actors I have enjoyed are now dead, never to return.  That seems so final.   People who have become famous by being up on the big screen, I somehow expect to always be there, and not only that, but to continue making more movies.

We know the person they were pretending to be.  Mr. Smith, when he went to Washington, and Henry Fonda, as he struggled with the other jury members, and Fezzik helping everyone up the cliffs of insanity are all gone.  That doesn’t seem fair. 

I’m thinking good actors should get a hall pass.  Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan should be allowed to stay the age they are, at the height of their success, and never be required to move on.  

OK, now that I’ve said that out loud, it sounds a little selfish.  Maybe a life of pretending to be someone else isn’t that much fun.  You can’t say what you want, you’ve got to follow the script.

Maybe that’s the part of the big picture I’m missing.  Maybe following the script is the big, overall plan.  We are supposed to lose actors and run out of popcorn.  The screen is designed to go dark.  I guess I just need to get over it.

 

 

 

 

 

     ZC

 

 

 

In My Opinion

 

There is life taking place just outside of my window.  Storm clouds are forming, the wind is blowing the tree branches around and although I can’t feel it, I expect the temperature is changing a bit. 

I think it is interesting how the wild turkeys trotting across my yard seem oblivious to it all.  Or maybe they’re not.  It could be they are on their way to their shelter, but I only see this portion of their trip.  I don’t have all the information needed to make such a statement.  

That’s the aspect of so-called influencers that most concerns me.  Are the followers really getting all they need to know?  I understand that in a world of this many people, there will be X-number of followers.  That’s the fuel that keeps politicians going.  But in general, knowledge today has become so distorted and manipulated that the mentality of the influencers comes into question.

Who or what is actually leading the pack?  I would need much more information before I could answer that one.

 

 

 

 

ZC

 

 

 

Self-examination

 

Whenever I stop for a moment and analyze this blog, I find the most prevalent aspect is its diversity.  You never know what the topic or subject will be.  I’ve always thought that the Element of Surprise should be on the periodic table.

 

zc

Public Service Announcement

 

I’ve known many bobble-heads in my time, although it isn’t appropriate to point them out.  My definition of a bobble-head is a person who agrees with and nods yes to everything their boss says, no matter how utterly ridiculous it is.

They tend to drive me nuts.  Attempting to curry favor or get ahead by other means than ability and knowledge.  To me, they are the slime on the surface of the pond, the weeds in the garden, or the politicians in the crowd.

What would you like to hear? Whatever you just said, I agree.  Yes, good idea Boss. 

There needs to be a section on every job application specifically designed to weed out the bobble-heads.  It could only be in the best interest of the company.  There is an old saying that if you have two employees who think alike, one of them is not needed.

 

 

 

ZC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is no defense

 

Mightier than the sword 

"Wooden Fish - Come on Down"

 

So many people are excited to be on a television game show that an over-flow room was created to hold them all.

I noticed we have our own version of an over-flow room at the back of the house.  It has several things waiting to once again join the on-stage activity of the household.   They sit quietly, just waiting, hoping to be called next.

 

 

          zc

Monsters are Real

To the animal kingdom, we are the monsters.  We are the ones killing for sport, we are the ones destroying the atmosphere, the lakes and rivers.  To each other, we smile as a greeting, the animals see us showing our teeth, which is to them a sign of aggression.  We hunt deer from up in the trees and build duck blinds to shoot at passing ducks, which is another form of hiding under the bed, to grab them as they saunter on by. 

We construct arenas to battle each other.  It is not the animal kingdom creating  noise pollution, starting fires or hunting things to extinction.  Only the monsters engage in that behavior.  We alter the weather patterns by covering the surface of the planet with cement and only after do we consider the consequences.  We build massive housing projects, knowing there isn’t available water to support it. 

We allow technology to take the lead, following blindly wherever it takes us, giving our houses and cars control over what happens next, never once considering that in the evolution of monsters technology could be next.

ZC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Treadwell Collection

 

There is a small area on the bottom of my shoe, in front of the heel but not actually touching the ground.  I don’t know if there is a name for this space, but I can tell you, it is here where I get the ideas for this Blog.  Never the big headlines, but just the crumbs that have slipped past the dustpan, or held tight as the streetsweeper swooshed by.

All sorts of strange things are collected in that space.  I just need to sort through them once I get home.   They tend to gather there as I walk around.  Ideas from the city, smells from the farms I happen to pass, and bits of old assignments whenever I happen to pass the local school. 

Sometimes, although not often, I’ll pick up a sound, or maybe just a fragment of a tune.  I’ll be scraping the various items off of my shoe and suddenly a melody will pop into my head.  It has to be from my shoe.  That’s the only thing I’m working on at the time.

 

 

           zc

 

After Closing

 

The jukebox had fallen silent and was no longer lit.  One person was stacking the chairs upside-down on the tables, while another swept the floor along the front of the bar.  A lone billfold lay beneath the brass rail, where boots had rested throughout the evening.

Sandy pulled it out away from the bar with the broom and tossed it onto the bar.  “Someone, no doubt, will be coming back for this.”  

Wanda stopped wiping down the bar and picked up the wallet.  Without looking inside, she tossed it behind her, next to the cash register.

“Aren’t you even going to look to see whose it is?” Sandy asked.

“Don’t care.” Came Wanda’s reply, and she went back to cleaning up.

Just then a knock came frantically on the front door.

Sandy looked up at Wanda and said, “Guess who?”

Wanda gave Sandy a stern look and said, “Don’t open it.”

Looking very confused Sandy said, “It’s probably the wallet guy.  Don’t you want to give it back?” 

In a low voice Wanda said, as she moved out closer to Sandy, “It’s a scam.  They leave a fake wallet behind so they can get back in after closing time and then rob the place.”

“How do you know it is a fake?  You never even looked in it.”

Wanda took Sandy’s broom and laid it against one of the tables.  “If I’m wrong, we end up with a very annoyed customer who may or may not come back.  But if I’m right – we get robbed.”

“Should we call the police?” Sandy whispered.

“No, not yet.  So far there hasn’t been a crime.  But if they keep banging on the door, then yes.”

The two women stood quietly and waited.  There was nothing.  Then someone was trying the doorknob.

“Are you sure it’s locked?” Wanda asked.

Sandy looked panicked and quickly felt her apron pocket for the keys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snippets

 

The intent of the fire was to keep us warm, but it was too small and way too close to the tracks.  The last train that came past blew it out.  Now only smoldering logs are left smoking up our clothes.

I never did clean off my boots.  They stand at the back door, snitching to anyone who’ll listen, that I played hooky today.

 

The closeness of the pelican made me more nervous than I was letting on.  I felt like taking a step back and slowly raising my camera to snap his picture, but I thought that any movement might make the bird even more antsy than me, and that wouldn’t turn out well for either of us.

 

 There must be something to it.  That old saying that a watched pot never boils.  I know, because when I’m standing there watching it and waiting, it seems to take forever.  But here’s the thing… I turn on the coffee maker and it makes all it’s little noises and then ZAP, my coffee is ready.  The only thing I can figure is that the guts of the coffee maker are on the inside, where they can’t be watched.  Therefore, not subjected to the Don’t Watch Rule.

 

 15 Rules to Live by:

1.    Count your change.

2.  Don’t interrupt someone when they’re speaking.

3.  Trust your instincts.

4.  Always be kind and choose the high road.

5.   Do what you say you’re going to do.

6.  Lead by example.

7.   Listen more than you speak.

8.  Deal off the top.

9.  Do it just because it’s the right thing to do.

10.        Feed the birds.

11.           Respect other’s opinions.

12.         Keep on the side of good.

13.         Be generous to yourself and others.

14.         Help those who need it.

15.          Admit when you’re wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

 zc

 

A Simple Request

 

Please don’t assume that because I look different than you, I don’t have feelings, that words don’t hurt me.  Don’t always exclude me from your activities.  I’m very aware of what’s going on and you may not think so, but I do have skills.  I just need to be given a chance.  The only thing I ask is that when we’re at a company picnic, or any outdoor event, just watch the traffic for me when I cross the road.

 

Thanks

 

 

             zc

The Side-car

 

For years it has festered, yet I understand it is in the past and there is nothing to be done.  So how do I not let it bother me?  If I put it out of my mind, where does it go? Where are the things I’m not thinking about?  They don’t simply dissolve.  They do not disintegrate or grow old and wither away, because if I wanted to, I could recall them and they would fester all over again. 

I believe the key here is the sidecar.  These issues each have a sidecar attached.  The issue can be put to bed, but sitting in the sidecar is emotion.  It is that emotion that allows the festering.  The trick is to view the issue but ignore the emotion attached to it.

 

zc