Dog Tired

 

I notice the number of times going right from left always matches the number of times they travel from left heading to the right.  I’m referring to the people walking their dogs past my window.   Never have I seen any of them traveling in just one direction. 

I guess for that to happen, they would have to travel completely around the globe, once again returning to the starting position, without again passing my window.

That may require a change of clothes, and the ability to carry with them a great supply of food and water.  Possibly even a passport, vaccination record, a portable GPS and some sort of flotation, not to mention an assortment of foreign currency. 

I can see now why they simply turn around and go back the way they came.

 

 

ZC

Just so you'll know

 

The campfire was still going strong and most sitting around it were hanging on every word the Scout Master was saying, even though it was almost an hour into his story when some of them realized he had been telling about the great vegetable war of 1763. 

The biggest problem occurred during the Leek of information within the grapevine.  The supply of fresh supplies had been Artichoked off and the Fennels were being Squashed.  Mushrooms full of leaders Turniped to formulate a plan to Beet the Rutabagas, even though there had been a Radish of misinformation sprouting up from Brussels. 

An announcement came over a loudspeaker that the Mushroom was now surrounded and if the leaders didn’t surrender, Asparagus Spears would be hurled into the meeting.  The Cucumbers remained cool.

 

 

 Not everything I write is Blog worthy.  Things like this get trashed immediately, but I thought you should see what one of my rejects looks like.  It is very reject worthy.

ZC

My New Friend

 

He said his name was Nelson and he wanted to come home with me.  I tried to explain to him that I didn’t think he would like being inside and that the availability of fresh fish was extremely limited at my house.

It was at that point when he asked if there were other animals living with me, and I explained about Scooter, the cat.  He asked if Scooter had a supply of fresh fish.  Then I had to explain about cat food and how it comes in a can and that I doubt he’d like it.  He asked me what it tasted like and I had to tell him I didn’t know.  “I have never tasted it.  I can tell you, however, it smells just as bad as fish does.  Maybe even worse.”

 

Then Nelson asked, “What do you mean when you say – inside?”

 

“I live in a house.  It is an environmentally controlled place, where I don’t get wet when it rains and I don’t get snowed on in the winter.”

 

I had forgotten that Nelson had never experienced winter and had no clue what snow was.  Our conversation was getting way too involved and other people were starting to take an interest in me standing here talking with a pelican.  I thought I should just cut the conversation short and explain to Nelson that it was time for me to leave.

 

Again, he asked if he could just come with me.  I asked him why he wanted to leave this nice beach and the fresh air and the freedom of being outside.

“It’s the tourist. They drive me nuts.  Most of them want to take my picture.  Why?  I don’t know.  Some try to touch me.  I snap at them and they back away.  All of them are litter bugs.  They toss their trash everywhere.  What do they care, it’s not where they live.  What do they do with the pictures, anyway?”

 

“I think they show them to their friends and then stick them somewhere, eventually throwing them out.  The really clever ones add them to their Blog and then make up stories about them.”

 

“What’s a Blog?”

 

“I really do need to leave.  I’ll see you later, Nelson.”

 

 

 

 

ZC

 

 

 

 

 

 

Observation #41

 

The wheel is perhaps Man’s greatest invention.  You cannot count fire because that was more of a discovery than invention.  Time was also more of a discovery than something invented by Man.  It was a realization.  It was always there and Man simply noticed it.  Then he decided to keep track of it, watch it and follow its progress across the seasons. 

As more and more time accumulated. Man could see that events repeated themselves and as they did he himself changed.  It wasn’t long before Man was designing time-saving devices, even though saving time was impossible,  he found that by calling them time-saving, gullible people would spend their money buying them. 

Suddenly advertising agencies popped up everywhere.  They were making wild claims and getting rich simply by manipulating the language.  Snake oil was going to cure every ailment there was.  Formulated gas treatment would make your car new again, and just one pill a day would put the spring back in your step.  These magic shoe inserts, designed by a Doctor, will reduce the amount of spring in your step, alleviating back pain. 

The nightmare of advertising that Man created is not only still with us but has completely consumed society.   It has grown so big that controlling it is now impossible.  It is like a fungus, whose growth has no end in sight.  One advertising agency in Wisconsin has taken advantage of Man’s greatest invention and has now associated it with their product, referring to it as a Wheel of Cheese.

 

ZC

When their world crumbled around them

 

I don’t know if you remember the great cookie shortage of 42.  Throughout the entire countryside there was not a crumb to be found.  Rumors of Chocolate Chip cookies being made and smuggled in across State lines surfaced, but none were ever discovered.

Some farmers disguised portions of their fields to grow cookie dough during the night-time hours, but the heat from the day’s sun caused the dough to rise, and it was usually spotted by government agents, who confiscated it, and jailed the farmers. 

One enterprising baker made Snickerdoodles in the shape of heads of cabbage.  The popularity of his bakery grew too quickly, and the Feds soon shut him down.  As the story goes, he narrowly escaped and is now running a French patisserie under the name of Les Weforget, in the California town of Baker’s Field.  

 

 

ZC

My Advanced Directive

 

Don’t hook me up to your IV

don’t feed me squirmy Jell-O

I’ll convalesce right here at home

and drink until I’m mellow,

 

Don’t roll me on your gurney

beneath fluorescent lights

don’t wake me up at 2 am

to ask if I’m all right,

 

Don’t chart my progress daily

If you can –

just let me go,

and should I prove

to not be well

hang a tag upon my toe.

 

 

ZC

Why Not...

 

These dollars have several issues.

There isn't a space for them in the cash register.

They are too heavy for your pocket.

Too close to looking like a quarter.

Uncle Sam didn't bother to ask me

before making a ton of them.