Proposed Legislation: The Gouger State Act
Section 1. Short Title This bill may be cited as the Gouger State Act, amending the official motto of Florida to read: “The Gouger State.”
Section 2. Congressional Findings Congress finds the following:
Florida has perfected the art of charging for what other states consider basic courtesy. Citizens report fees for parking, public transportation, health insurance, food, lodging, and—under certain meteorological conditions—breathing air that is either too hot or too cold.
The senior population, representing a significant portion of Florida’s residents, is uniquely vulnerable to such gouging. Many seniors live on fixed incomes, though evidence suggests the “fixed” portion is largely theoretical and subject to spontaneous breakage.
Essential comforts have become premium upgrades. Heat in winter and air conditioning in summer are now treated as luxury items, available only to those who can afford the “climate convenience surcharge.”
Pocket change is no longer symbolic. Florida’s economic model appears to rely on extracting quarters, nickels, and any loose coins seniors may have forgotten in yesterday’s pants.
Section 3. Purpose The purpose of this Act is to acknowledge, with full transparency, the State’s commitment to monetizing every conceivable aspect of daily life, thereby aligning the official motto with lived experience.
Section 4. Implementation Upon passage, all state signage, promotional materials, and welcome-center brochures shall be updated to reflect the new motto. The phrase “The Sunshine State” shall be retired, except in marketing campaigns where sunshine is sold separately.
ZC
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