“As Gregor Samas awoke one morning
from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic
insect.”
That is the opening line in The
Metamorphosis, by Franz Kafka.
As the Audi rested in the driveway during
the summer I kept what I thought was a close eye on her health. Full of oil and loaded with top of the line
gas I exercised her around the block once a week, like you’d take a fine
racehorse out for a run. I wanted her to
be fit and ready to face another winter.
Soon after I began to drive her full
time I noticed an exhaust smell inside the car.
“Nertz.” I took her to Tuffy
Muffler and informed them that I didn’t want to spend much on the repair. I only wanted a Band-Aid. I was thinking along the lines of maybe a
$50.00 repair - there you go Sir, have a nice day.
I soon found out that THEY were
thinking, $1000.00 and oh by the way - we don’t have the parts.
Annoyed at the lack of enthusiasm they
showed in trying to solve the problem, I decided to take matters into my own
hands. At lunch time the following day I
went to the grocery store and bought one of those large, aluminum roasting
pans. They are meant to be disposable. Once you have roasted your turkey for your
Thanksgiving meal you simply toss this roasting pan into the trash.
This is flexible sheet metal, I
thought to myself and it is resistant to heat so why not use it for a Band
Aid? So on Saturday morning; armed with
my roasting pan, my tin snips and trusty car jack, I set out to fix the Audi.
I pulled the Mustang out of the garage
and pulled the Audi in. I jacked it up
as high as I thought safe and spread out a tarp. I was ready.
I knew
that to just crumple a turkey roaster around a leaking muffler may be giving
more credit to my crumple abilities than they deserved so I grabbed a handful
of garbage ties and twisted them together making several long wire straps.
I should mention at this point that
when I pulled the car into the garage there wasn’t a lot of room on either
side. Sally’s Jimmy was on one side
and the cement step leading up into the house was on the other.
I opted to approach from the cement
step side, so I laid on my back holding my turkey roaster, garbage ties, tin
snips and flashlight and I scooted myself under the car. It was soon apparent that I had not raised
the car up as much as I should have. It
was a very snug fit and I had very little maneuverability.
Having done as good a job as I thought
I could, considering the amount of room I had, I now tried to scoot myself out
from under the car.
I was stuck. I lay there on the garage floor - wedged
between the bottom of the door panel and the cement step. Kicking my feet in the air and waving my arms
I tried to wiggle and twist to flip out of my predicament.
It wasn’t working. That’s when I remembered The Metamorphosis
and this poor kid who had awoke to discover he had turned into a gigantic
beetle and was kicking his many legs in the air as he tried to right himself.
Ahhhh - Memories
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