Blog Mojo

Keeps away bad Juju

The Lock is Real

Only the chain is made out of pretzels

and yet - there isn't one.

A Swiss Army

Remote

What are the chances you assembled

this backward and upside-down?

Can your camera

take a Selfie ?

Not mine - but I liked it.

Driven to think

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone – to relax, I told myself but I knew it wasn’t true.  Thinking became more and more important to me and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that night at her mother’s.

I began to think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment didn’t mix but I couldn’t stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking – “What is it exactly we are doing here?”

One day the boss called me in.  He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don’t stop thinking on the job I’ll have to let you go.”

This gave me allot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.  “Honey, I confessed, I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve been thinking, she said, and I want a divorce.”

“But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”

“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver.  “You think as much as college professors and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won’t have any money.”

“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

“I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out of the door.  I headed for the library in the mood for some Nietzsche.

I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors…

They didn’t open.  The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a higher power was looking out for me.  Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.

“Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked.

You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am here today: a recovering thinker.  I never miss a TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was Porky’s.  Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job and things are allot better at home.  Life just seemed… easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.  I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I registered to vote as a republican.

As a kid

this - was my X-Box

He does't know

He doesn't know about black holes, asparagus, spare tires, war, public telephones, zoos, alarm clocks, bottled water, trombones,  Agatha Christie, lobsters, fall, sailing ships, popcorn,Wisconsin, ball point pens, underwear, dentist office chairs, Kleenex, Stewart's folly, gigabytes, red pop, running shoes, table manners, spell check, stainless steel, tort reform, wind-up toys, bus transfers, tweezers, holy water, The New York Times, Lois Lane, overtime, notaries, salmonella, clavicles, wind chill, principles of composition, metronomes, credit scores, the M.T.A., table salt, moss, Cyclothones, the second hand, garage door openers, standard deviations, ink, mosquito bites, tomato soup, hats, heffalumps or woozles and he doesn't know art, but he knows what he likes.

In line for the Thrown

My turn at bat

first pitch was high

stood my ground and didn't swing

Second pitch

was in the dirt

"Ball two" the ump did sing,

My stance was good

knees were bent

a fast ball hit my head

I thought I smelled

a Ball Park Frank

I lay at home plate dead.

Z. Corwin

When a toothache influences your art

Some Things

you just don't want on your resume

or Photographer...

The Squeak

The light was out

so in the dark

I snuck around behind it -

Flipped on the light

and looked about

but never did I find it.

Cleaning the Stove

just for the moment

has been placed on the back burner.

The Gora Sisters

Faith & Bea  

Blog Inner Workings

Too many notes

Lab Coat

  

Of all the blogs, in all the towns, in all the world...

you had to walk into mine.

Z. Corwin

Thermadore

I made my way to Thermadore

where magnets were festooned

realtors and plumbers 

and old pianos tuned –

The light – at first it startled

but then a feast I saw,

the carcass of a mighty beast

Jell-o and some slaw,

Condiments were in a row

mustard took the lead

radishes were in a bunch

a jar of fennel seed

Veggies in the crisper

beer upon the door

how joyous was

the day I made

my way to Thermadore.

Zobostic Corwin

Emily Dickinson

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me.

I put this here because I liked it and haven't any boss to answer to.

Z. Corwin

Blog Navigation

Like Winnie-the-Pooh my spelling could be referred to as wobbly.  It will be your job to ignore the slight wobbles and jump over any page containing raging torrents.

Punctuation throughout this Blog will be sporadic at best.  It may, on occasion, be difficult to discern between hyphenation and a simple dash.  Use your best judgment.

Assumptions:

It is always best to assume that I am not serious.  Were I a serious person would I really be spending my time doing this?

Beginning, middle and end.

This Blog already has a beginning.  Until I reach the end it will be impossible to determine where the middle is.  If you absolutely must know, read half-way through it and write (approximately) in the margin.

Photographic Gibberish

I have included within this Blog some Zobostic Corwin originals.  There are also random pics just for fun.  Whenever I have used someone else’s picture I have given them credit, unless I don’t know who took it, in which case I state; “Not mine, but I liked it.”

This Claimer

Any reference to any persons, real or imagined, in any situation for whatever reason is simply coincidental and in no way reflects in any light upon their character, their associations or undertakings.  With respect to the avoidance of legal fees, please insert my response following every claim, "Does not".

Thank you

Zobostic Corwin

Elbow Grease

Pardon me boy...

"Yes Larry, but you bought an airplane ticket."

Stymied

What should have been

a great picture of a monkey

was ruined when

someone threw this

wrench in.

Never ever...

apply ChapStick in the dark.

A Best Seller for sure

Here’s the thing, I find I can no longer simply turn off my brain and sit endlessly watching television.  The programs are stupid beyond belief, the commercials are moronic and insulting, meanwhile my life ticks away with no do-over’s scheduled anytime soon.

So what, I ask you, shall fill my time?  Do I come in here and write this blog, do I take up painting or pottery?  I doubt I have the talent for either.

Maybe I should write my own dictionary. Maybe just to annoy the business and sports people I would put an I in team.  Perhaps I’d iron out all the wrinkles in the English language.  No more exceptions to the rule, no more – and sometimes Y.  And I’d have an entire section on punctuation as a second language.

OK, I just reread this and I seem to have a few unresolved issues.  Maybe I’ll hold off on the dictionary for now.

PS

I’m trying to get a book published but have had no success finding a legitimate publisher.  If you know of any or have any solid contacts please let me know.  I think it’s a great story and it would make a super movie.

Incentive:  If you are responsible for helping me connect with a legitimate agent or publisher, and my book gets published as a result - I will add your name to the dedication page. 

Thanks

Zobostic Corwin

I'm Almost Certain

Canada is behind the rake industry.

Sorry Tony

I Feel All A-Crumple

My mistake was letting you write me into the script.  The very moment you did that the clock began ticking.  With each new word, with every passing sentence I fell further and further into the past, and should a simple mistake be made I’d become a crumple.  I’d be flung towards the waste bin and knowing my luck, ricochet off the rim and spend the remainder of my days laying on the carpet, just out of sight beneath the desk.

And who’s to say I’m not already there?  I have no memory of the story after I made my entrance.  It could very well be that I was the mistake.  For all I know I’m already laying in the shadows, where neither light of day nor reach of vacuum can find me.

Natural Resources

The gasoline that collects beneath the earth's surface
has a tendency to gravitate to corners.  That is
why you'll see most gas companies put their gas stations
at intersections, usually right on the corner.  All they
need to do then is to drill straight down, drop in a 
hose and connect it to the pumps.

Banks, on the other hand, seem to draw their currency
from money trees.  That's why you'll see a bank where ever
there's a branch.

Laundry detergent rivers coming down from the mountains form Tide pools.  Any of this liquid that seeps into the earth creates detergent gasoline and is then transported by trucks to gas stations.

My Great Grandfather, who worked at the lumber mill taught me these things.  Actually, he didn't work directly for the mill, his was more a splinter group.

In the Beginning

*

I could hear them at night, and had I not looked down into the well I would have never seen them.

*

The table was set, the house was warm and inviting but there was just a hint of something odd.  There was an additional smell to the aroma of dinner and I couldn’t place it, but my senses were telling me to run.

*

Sam stood over by the fireplace sipping on his drink.  Mary and Rudy were quietly clearing the dinner table while Scott kept looking at me, waiting to see if anyone was going to bring up the elephant in the room.  After the dishes were done and we were all seated in the family room I just blurted it out.  “OK, so I bought her from the Zoo.  I know what you’re thinking and yes, I’ll move her to the garage as she gets too big for the house.”

*
Frustrated he had never solved this case, in a last ditch effort he surreptitiously attended the funeral.  He had just about given up hope but then spotted what the wife quietly slipped into the coffin.

Blah, Blah, Blah..

I Bought it Used

Although it's hard to see in this picture,

it's right between the white Bronco and

the blue dumpster.

Some Things I've Noticed

The farther you get away from Earth the colder you get

The older you get the harder it becomes to get warm

Old people gravitate to Florida

Young people travel to ski lodges

Old men in Florida dress funny and play golf

Astronauts are far from earth, are cold and dress funny

Retired astronauts move to Florida

There is no direct sunlight in my freezer

Ice cream is cold

Some golfers like ice cream but prefer scotch

Scotch makes you feel warm and dress funny

Eileen Nomore

$42.50

The real pirate

was the lady in the gift shop.

General Moss

Permission to come aboard?

S.S. Election

Larry Drank It.

They had built it on the prediction

that a massive lake was going to form here.

They never did break the champagne across it's bow.

and as always...

Don't try this at home.

Leave No Trace

Movie Review

Rolling Stone says: "One of the year's best."

I've got $20.00 that says nobody from the Rolling Stone stayed awake through this film.

If you do decide to watch it, despite all warnings, do not operate heavy machinery while doing so.

Even today, just the sight of the actor's faces causes me to yawn.

Save your money.  Watch paint dry.  Mail a postcard to your dentist, tell him you're coming over.  Trust me on this one.

Smash this DVD with a hammer.  Burn the pieces and then bury them.


Leave no trace.




ZC

Shipping and Handling

Dear Blue Bunny,  

If presentation counts for 50% of your grade
you'll want to take a second look at your packaging.

I understand it's just an ice cream sandwich
and two minutes after this picture was taken
there wasn't a trace to be found...

but none the less -
either improve your cartons
or you'll have to repeat Ice Cream 101.



  

The Thing About Comfort...

It doesn’t hang around long.  When you do discover that something is comfortable, maybe so much so that you really start focusing in on it, it’s usually right before things change. 

I had these shoes far beyond their use by date.  They became my primary choice.  They were seldom the best fashion choice and most often inappropriate for the situation but they were so darn comfortable that I just didn’t care.

This picture was taken approximately two months before I tossed them into the trash.  I placed this shoe upside down in the vice on my workbench so I could take this picture.  As you can see, they were no longer waterproof.

I currently have a closet floor full of shoe options but only one pair comfortable enough to replace these.

Check back with me in 2025 and we’ll see how these new ones are holding up.