From the Both of Us

It’s not normal.

What?

This; this isn’t normal.

I don’t understand.

You; you’re writing something and then writing something else as if it is really someone else who is writing.  I don’t get it.

What’s not to get?   I’m the only one here.  I have to write both parts.

You’re strange.

Maybe I am, but at least I get it.

Fine.  Let’s talk about something else.

That’s fine with me.  What would you like to talk about?

Why do I always have to pick?

“Why do I always have to pick?”

Oh that’s very mature.

I see, now you’re just not going to say anything?

Well two can play that game.

Oxford

          You know how when you were a small child and you somehow stepped into mud?  The mud rose up a little around your shoe and suction was created preventing you from just pulling yourself out.  No matter how hard you tried the mud held tight to your shoe.  If you struggled hard enough your foot came right out of your shoe.  In that particular tug-of-war the mud won.  It got to keep your shoe.

          I only mention this to help describe my life.  I am the shoe.  All of my life I have felt the struggle going on and I have somehow known the mud would win.  Nothing I did was ever going to change that.  No matter what job I had or how much or how little education I would receive in life nothing would change the fact that I was the shoe.  At some point I would be plunged into the thick of it and there I’d be.  Life would eventually pull free and hobble on without me.  The remainder of my days would be spent simply mired down along some unfortunate path.

          This blog is the sucking sound made as I make feeble attempts to pull free; to move on with things.  It is no great novel, no inspiring work of art.  It is simply the sound of me squirming about still trying to free myself even though Life has moved on. 

          You, on the other hand, are free.  You are free to think, to move about and travel though life with the wind in your hair, the phone poles and fences along the road stretch on forever as you give it more gas, taking in the scenery, exploring all that life has to offer.

          What is that?  You try to focus as you quickly come up on it. Ah – one shoe.  One lone shoe there in the road, somehow left behind, abandoned by its owner.  You make one final glance at it in your rear-view mirror and briefly wonder how it came to be there.  But you don’t slow; you speed along your way - soon exploring an entirely different blog, leaving this one behind, a little Sun-dried mud along its edges. 

 

The Continental Shelf

Lawyer Tracks

Most of us have not encountered a lawyer out in the wild, but if you are attempting to track one down there are signs to look for.  Here are just a few that indicate a lawyer has been there.

Calls may be recorded for quality purposes

Your mileage may vary

See package for details

Close cover before striking

Keep away from children

Dispose of properly

Keep refrigerated

Do not incinerate

Do not induce vomiting

Choking hazard

 Speed Radar Enforced

 Avoid contact with the skin

Keep Out

Not suitable for young children

Caution – Surface may be Hot

Electrical Hazard

Bridge may be icy

Void where prohibited by law

Do not use in the shower

Keep out of direct Sunlight

May be harmful or fatal if swallowed

Warrantee void if modified

Premises protected by closed circuit  

Not to scale

Proceed at your own risk

Falling Rocks

Consult your Doctor before use

Do not over tighten

Remove everything from your pockets before entering

May cause drowsiness

The makers of this product assume no responsibility

Restricted Area

Do Not Over-fill

Do not exceed recommended dosage

Highway patrolled by aircraft

For external use only

By signing this you agree to:

Not responsible for loss or damage to property

This is not a toy

May cause serious injury or death

Buckle-UP, it's the law

Shoplifters will be prosecuted

Are you now or have you ever been...

Caution - this vehicle is equipped with airbags

May contain nuts

 

 

No Job for a Buoy

Don’t make me be Captain

I’m not one to lead –

I say with conviction

I’m not what you need

Don’t wish to be Captain

It's not even my boat –

I’d bump into something

we’d no longer float

Make me a swabbie, hand me a mop

Tell me to clean things –

Bottom to top,

Give me some polish, hand me a rag

first sign of trouble

I’d raise the white flag,

Don’t have me be Captain

Don’t stand and salute –

When pirates arrive

Don’t expect me to shoot

I’ll fix us a beverage

Perhaps a nice port –

Relax in the cabin

We’ll have us a snort

  

Out of the way

Won’t know that I’m here –

Don’t make me be Captain

Don’t ask me to steer

I’ll learn to tie knots

Yell anchor’s away –

I’ll develop my sea legs

Won’t stand there and sway

I’ll climb to the crow’s nest

With spy-glass to see

What’s on the horizon

What could it be?

Using nautical jargon

and stars as my chart

We’ll cross every ocean

From finish to start

If you make me be Captain

there's one thing for sure

I'll simply stop rowing 

be your first mutineer.
 

My Childhood Friend

Who’s to teach me the values I so need to learn -

if I haven’t learned them by now

Who will show me the way - that I might be found –

for I seem to be quite lost somehow

Show me the skills I’ll need - I implore

Give me courage and please make me brave

Where is the dear friend - lost to the war -

Laying silent and still in his grave.

Where is the pal that I knew as a child -

Show me - that he might be found

I have looked to the heavens and called out his name

Yet silent - he lay in the ground.

Who’ll teach them the values they so need to learn –

If they haven't learned them by now

What have they done with my childhood friend -

What can they possibly do to us now?

RJM / Agent Orange

Beware – Caution – Warning – DANGER – “Hey! Look Out!”

            After several days of hard climbing and having reached what I believed to be the summit, I noticed a small clump of tourists looking down at me from what appeared to be a guard rail.  I really had no clue the other side of the mountain had a working escalator which led to a lookout point and gift shop.  

         This obviously isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me.  I am not, however, going to list all previous failures and blunders for your amusement.  Suffice it to say, just moments ago, as I was hitching a ride into town, the driver of the turnip truck took a corner a little too fast and yes - I fell off.

        I’m fine, just a few bruises here and there.  In my effort to recuperate I plan on staying in and getting back to the less hazardous task of answering the emails that came in regarding my post entitled, Buy for Now.  I certainly appreciated those of you who wrote in identifying the catch phrases and slogans I had overlooked, but the emails I have yet to answer are those addressing warning labels.

         I hope to have your responses sent out by the end of business tomorrow.

Thank you for your support.

(All responses will be in an electronic format thus eliminating all potential paper cuts)

ZC 

  

       

Odd but True

Back when Rhinoceroses roamed freely around town the city council decided to put iron fences around the trees.  They had spent so much of the budget having the trees put in they didn’t want to see them damaged by the occasional rhino knocking them over in its attempt to simply scratch an itch.

Over time, as the local delicatessens learned to perfect their Rhino Rubin, and Rhino Horn soups, the herds dwindled and those remaining became a tad ornery, eventually unsuitable as house pets.

The trees, however, kept growing and soon enveloped the very fences designed to protect them. 

The rest of the larger, older trees around town have grown completely around their fences so all that can be seen today are the trees themselves. This is the last remaining fence, and in another 80 years it too will no longer be visible. 

So when you come to our town and see that all of the trees look normal - well now you know why.

Possible Meanings

Hi

Single car parking on right.

This road stops abruptly in all directions.

You can't get there from here.

Train runs North & South only

Ladder in Road