What Katydid

 

 

Just a short time ago

in a place not so far

In a little boy’s hand

was a bug in a jar –

 

The bug we now know

had a plan of her own

To escape - to escape

and make her way home –

 

Clearly this child

must be a thug

To snatch from the wild

such a cute little bug –

 

Now there they both were

just a block down the street

out gathering leaves

for his new friend to eat –

 

As he loosened the lid

a startled surprise

For fly the bug did

as she took to the skies -

 

 

Twas a one-sided friendship

that didn't go far

For you can’t keep your buddy

locked up in a jar –

 

Even when holes

are poked in it for air

The world as we're told

just isn't quite fair –

 

And wouldn't you know

at dinner that night

In the fireflies glow

she told of her plight

 

She spoke of the child

and the jar with its lid

being snatched from the wild

and of what katydid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                              



Dead Ends and U-Turns

There is quiet in solitude -

 

Just as still water reflects calm.

 

 

The sail had gotten in the way of the wind;

Wishing to avoid conflict the boat left.

 

 

 

I find little comfort in not being able to anticipate a past event

 

 

 

(Yes, I just sort of stuck this picture in here.  It doesn't really go with anything)

 

Someday...

It is my inability to outrun my footprints that shall be my undoing.  Never have I been able to get out of my own way.  The odd thing of course is that I never see myself coming.  I’m forever surprised that I have not only left there but have gotten myself here.

Other oddities are those things I tend to carry with me.  Pocket change - whose value has fallen far below its own weight, lint covered mints and a southern comb. (Not quite enough teeth).

This observation is not just a random or flickering thought but an in-depth acknowledgement resulting form a study of footprints past.  Tracking backwards towards my youth I find the imprint of dress shoes, running shoes, tennis shoes, sneakers, sandals, bare feet, and on two separate occasions – flippers.  Missing are the indentations left from stilts and Pogo sticks.  Either insufficient confidence or basic self-preservation caused their avoidance.

I will admit to having gone several years without looking back.  If I don’t see them – they’re not there.

Today, however, I am followed by the prints of an old man.  They seem slow and deliberate, though never shuffling.  

It’s strange, but now I feel a familiar comfort in them.  I find myself glancing back just to make sure they’re still with me.

 

I once heard of an Olympic contestant from Kenya who ran so fast he actually outran his own prints.  Of course - by the time the judges got there to see such a miracle the prints had caught up with him.

 

 

Elm Street is Always the Fastest

 

Living upstairs has its advantages.  Simply by the smell I can tell which cook is on duty.  I can hear by the noise level when happy hour begins, and whenever there is a grease fire I can see from my window the route the fire trucks take.

 

 



We Don't Get Many

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



My Favorite Things

 

 

 

Gas pumps with gumballs

and hotdogs with chili -

Menus for children

with crayons for the silly,

 

Hot greasy onions

all fried up in rings

 

These are a few of my favorite things –

 

 

Big fluffy pancakes

with hot, crispy bacon –

Where is our waitress

a smoke break she’s taken

 

Back in the ally

she puffs out a ring

 

These are a few of my favorite things –

 

When the bills right

If they’re not tight

She will get a tip –

 

Put salt in the shakers

then mop up the floors

and a small plastic sign…

 

Don’t Slip.

 

 

 

 

 



Final Toast

 

When I shall make my final toast

I know to whom I’ll raise my glass

To dearest friends I’ve known the most

who stayed with me throughout my past

 

Who linger still in memory

With steadfast hearts through thick and thin

The cost of booze I know they see

Wish just once they would chip in.

 

 

I'm Done

 

How do we know

When we’re grown up

When we’ve become

 All that we can?                

 

Who’s to say

A little more

Might not improve

The state of Man?

 

Extra wisdom here and there

Perhaps a pinch of faith & hope –

Comprehension should we dare

Instead of extra rope

 

How can we tell

When we’re complete

And not some half-baked dork

 

I’d like to think

A better test

Would not involve a fork.

 

 

 

 

 

 



It's like nobody ever asked them to say cheese before.

 

 

 

 

OK then, how about some grumbling?

 

That's good. (click)

 

 



Window seat

 

 

 

 

 



Saying don't make it so

 

 

 



Geek Cave Drawings

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Crumb Tray

 

Oh sleek and lovely crumb tray

how is it you don’t boast?

You never fail to catch the crumbs

whenever I make toast.

 

With stainless steel construction

You’ve never questioned why –

but snagged the hot obstructions

no matter wheat or rye.

 

It isn’t any wonder

your heroics go unseen -

and the one thing in the kitchen

we all forget to clean.

 

So it’s here I sing your praises

that it doesn’t go unsaid –

You’re the number two invention

only second to sliced bread.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



The Backcourt Cafe'

 

Originally all he wanted was to open a nice neighborhood restaurant where locals could come and enjoy each other’s company and good food.  He hired the best chef he could afford and trained his wait staff not in just serving food but in paying attention to the details.

Guests with reservations were always addressed by name and even without reservations everyone was made to feel special and welcome.  Drinks were always refilled without feeling someone was hovering. 

Dishes, glasses and silverware were spotless as were the linen tablecloths. Candles were always lit and the temperature always comfortable.

In looking back he could see the flaw in his plan.  He had removed two tables and added live music.  The singer was great and the musician quite skilled.  They worked well together and had a very diverse repertoire.  

What had so quickly destroyed his business was simply volume.  No longer could neighbors hear each other across their table.  When the music began – conversations stopped.  It wasn't comfortable; in fact it became awkward for people to sit and try to talk over the loudness of the music.

And when people no longer came –

 

 

 

 everything became so quiet - you could hear it.

 

 

 

Exposure Day

 

 Nothing was in order.

There wasn’t a thing that was organized, categorized, alphabetized, in numerical order or arranged according to height, type, color or weight.

This was the day everyone had been waiting for.  It happened just one weekend a year and today was Saturday. 

Our local library forced everyone out of their comfort zone.  They completely disorganized the shelves and everything on them.  Action-adventure was next to children’s hand puppets, Cookbooks were scattered about like shrapnel, while a good murder mystery could be found next to a How To book. It had the feel of giant garage sale. It was impossible to know what you would come across next.  

The head Librarian truly enjoyed seeing people make discoveries.  The volunteers at the checkout counter heard the same thing all day long, “I didn’t know you had this.”  and “This is great.  When did you guys start carrying these?” 

Although everyone had fun with it and the activity at the library was never higher than on these weekends, there was one person who hated it.  Instead of simply staying home on the weekend this took place, he would show up and complain and grumble to anyone who would listen.  He was old, unshaven and his clothes were over due.  His name was Dewey and he didn’t like what he was seeing.

 

 

Notice:  The library will be closed Monday & Tuesday

for inventory & reorganization.

 

 

Fun People

come up with the best inventions.

 

Curly Fries

 

 

 



A Stitch in Time

 

Too late. 



Employee of the Yaer

“Don’t worry about it.”

Kermit Tyler

How to...

Home Tip #16

 

Whenever you purchase a clothes dryer it automatically comes with built-in wrinkles.  You won’t see them simply by looking into the dryer but they are there.

 

To remove these unwanted wrinkles place two or more damp cotton shirts into the dryer and turn it on.

 

When you remove the shirts you will notice many of the wrinkles that had been in the dryer are now on the shirts.

 

Repeat this process until all wrinkles have been removed from the dryer.

 

 It works with both Electric as well as Gas Dryers.

 

 

(This process may take several years)

 

 

 

 

See an associate for details

 

 

I saw the sign

 

 

 

 

but what did it really mean?

 

 

 

 

I tried to figure all possible calculations

in my head...

 

 

 

 

 

I couldn't do it.

 

Their advertisers were just too tricky.

 

 

Were there 3000 items at 1% off

and just one item at half off?

 

There were just too many combinations

and besides...

 

 

 

they didn't have men's clothes anyway.