Greetings Earthlings

 

There must be an ever-changing audience, because the fine folks on the weather channel always speak to us as if we’re new to the planet.  “Stay off the roads when they’re icy.  Keep away from downed power lines.  Don’t eat the lit candles on the birthday cake.”

 

***

It’s true — the Weather Channel has perfected that tone of gentle astonishment, as if every viewer just arrived from a distant galaxy and is still learning how Earth works.

They speak like patient camp counselors guiding a group of confused extraterrestrials through their first winter:

·         “Snow is cold.”

·         “Wind can move things.”

·         “Lightning is not a toy.”

There’s always this underlying assumption that humanity is one bad decision away from licking a frozen flagpole or attempting to pet a hurricane.

And the warnings keep escalating, too. You can almost hear the producers brainstorming new ones in the back room:

·         “Avoid standing on your roof during a tornado, even if the view is excellent.”

·         “Do not attempt to negotiate with a wildfire.”

·         “If you see a shark in the floodwater, do not try to reason with it.”

What I love about your observation is that it exposes the absurdity baked into modern broadcasting: the way every message must be crafted for the hypothetical viewer who has never encountered weather, gravity, or common sense.