Windsocks & Windshoes

 

Of the two, windshoes are much more difficult to find. The reason being, anyone walking down the street would suddenly, and without warning, change direction with the slightest change in wind direction.

The great number of collisions were not really the issue as everyone wearing the windshoes changed direction at the same time, not unlike a school of fish.

🌪️ The Origin of Windshoes

Windshoes were first conceptualized by Dr. Ellery Vane, a disgraced meteorologist who turned kinetic sculptor. He believed that true freedom lay in surrendering to the wind. His prototype—stitched from parachute silk and pigeon feathers—was worn during the infamous “Breeze Ballet” of 1963, where 47 volunteers danced involuntarily across a salt flat for seven hours.

 

🧭 The Great Gust of ’87

This was the year windshoes went mainstream. A rogue jet stream descended upon the Midwest, triggering mass directional shifts. Cities like Des Moines and Topeka saw entire populations veer eastward, abandoning errands, marriages, and municipal meetings mid-sentence. The synchronized missed collisions were so precise that some mistook them for flash mobs. Others called it “The Day the Wind Took the Wheel.”

🕵️ The Ban and the Black Market

After the Gust, windshoes were outlawed in 38 states. But demand only grew. In underground windshoe speakeasies—known as Zephyr Lounges—devotees gathered to swap soles, debate wind ethics, and perform illicit gust-dances. The most coveted pair? The Whisperwalkers.

 Available at J. Peterman        $128.50