Even before you got into the building there would be a sign saying, No Admittance
– Employees Only
Inside you would need hearing protection, safety glasses and a hard hat,
with a VISITOR badge hanging around your neck.
Yellow aisle lines would be painted on the floor, indicating where it was
safe to walk.
There would be warning signs everywhere, and a large sign on the far wall
indicating how many days they have gone without an injury.
There would be a timeclock on the wall, next to a rack of timecards, one
for each elf.
Some elves would be walking around wearing white lab coats and holding
clipboards and stopwatches.
Odd smells and strange noises would be everywhere.
No personal items would be allowed at workstations, no family pictures,
vacation postcards taped to the lid of tool boxes or little troll dolls with wild hair.
It wouldn’t be a happy, colorful place with music piped in, but a gray
and dismal factory, full of overworked and under paid little people, constantly
afraid to slow down, incase an elf with a stopwatch was watching.
Over the office hangs a large
portrait of the man himself, Santa.
Scowling at the camera while a half-chewed cigar protrudes from his
mouth. Beneath that, the company slogan,
Whimsy Wastes Time.
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