Hanging by a Thread

 

There was a row of hard, plastic chairs against the wall in the waiting room.  For the moment, I was the only one in there, so I stretched out across them and just lay there staring up at the ceiling fan.  There was a barely noticeable hum coming from the fan and the only other noise was from the nurse’s station out in the hall.

As long as people thought I was waiting for someone, they wouldn’t know I was simply a homeless dude off the street.  After a bit, a lady came in with two small children.  It was as if the kids were magnetized and the big metal vending machine had snatched them from across the room with great force.  They no sooner entered when they were both smacked up against it, playing with the knobs and glancing back at Mom to see if she was going to fork over any change.

Now that there were other people here, I figured I’d better sit up, so I did.  These chairs were about as comfortable as sitting on a grave marker, which I did quite often.  It isn’t that leaning against a headstone is my place of choice, it’s just that they provide a windbreak and I can’t be seen from the street, so I get left alone.

The kids won.  Mom got up and walked over to buy each kid a candy bar.  By the time the three of them got back to their chairs, the nurse came in and told the Mom they could now go into the room to visit whoever it was.

 They left, but instead of laying back down, I looked over at the vending machine.  Was it my lucky day, or what?  A Snickers bar was barely hanging on.  With just the right tap, it should fall into the tray below.  I stood and started walking towards the vending machine.  Just as I placed my hands on each side of it, to give it a shake, another person entered the room.

"The machine won't let go of my candy bar." I explained.  The lady just smiled and sat down.

"There's already three visitors in the room.  Apparently, that is the limit.  I have to wait." she said.

Instead of acting like a moron and shaking the machine to bits, I just nodded and sat back down against the far wall.  I was sure I didn't smell too good.

"I hate waiting." she said, looking at me to agree with her. 

I could engage in conversation with her, but that dangling Snickers bar kept calling to me.  I would just politely nod and wait for her to leave.

"I hope it's nothing serious."  she said.

She was going to force me to talk.  "It's a hospital, it's all serious." I replied. 

"What do you remember about being here before?"

That caught me off guard.  What was she talking about?  "What do you mean, before?"

"Don't you remember, Bob?  You passed away here.  You died on the operating table.  For some reason you keep coming back to this waiting room.  What is it you're hanging onto Bob?"

Was this lady nuts?  Wouldn't I know if I were dead?  "How is it you can see me, if I'm dead?"

"Think back.  How did you get past security at the emergency entrance?"

"That's crazy.  I was just laying on these chairs, staring up at the ceiling fan.  What do you mean, how did I get here?"

"I can show you your headstone down at the cemetery.  It has your name and date...  You need to let go of whatever it is you're holding onto, Bob."

Right now, it's that Snickers bar I'd like to be holding onto.  This lady doesn't know what she's talking about.

"It's time to let go, Bob."

My mind flashed back to the cemetery, and how nobody could see me from the street.  I was comfortable leaning against that stone.

Was that really my stone?