Here's the thing...

 

On Christmas day I tried to light these candles.  Only the one on the right worked.  Nothing I tried did any good on the left one.  Last night, just before bed, I turned the one on the right out, so they were both out.

Sometime during the night, the one on the left came on and it stayed on throughout the night.  I went out there when I got up and turned it off.

Could this possibly be a message from beyond?  Then again, maybe it is just some spiritual comment on my inability to handle a simple task.  Can the spirit world really be sarcastic, or possibly mean spirited?   I’m not really prepared for an afterlife filled with pranksters.

As always, your comments are welcomed.

 

 

 

Christmas Cookies

 

Dryer lint, dryer lint

how do you grow

You don’t make good mittens

there’s nothing to sew,

I find it amazing

and a little bit queer,

On laundry day

you simply appear.

Fluffy and soft

I wish that I knew

just what I could make

from a big bunch of you.

I could stuff a pillow

at night rest my head,

but I’d dream of old socks

or blankets long dead.

Maybe make cookies

tasty and nifty –

I'll just add and egg

and bake at 350.

We're putting this one under the tree

 Oh Joy

Our Crazy Uncle

 

So, we’ve got this crazy cousin in the North woods of Maine, but here’s the thing, he is really an uncle, and Maine is actually Florida, but he is crazy.

I mean, the balloon animals he makes are animals from a different planet that no one has ever seen.  Who knows if they’re right or not?  He spends his time feeding the crows, who knows why?  I remember one time; he didn’t have any motor oil for his car so he pushed a stick of butter into where the oil should go.  He really did.

I remember one time, back when he lived up in Northern Michigan he wasn’t feeling well and told his doctor he thought he’d developed a Petoskey stone.  His doctor suggested he had (GSD) Gift Shop disease and told him to lay off trinkets for at least six months.  

For a long time, he had a pet clam named Murray.  He kept him in a bucket of water.  He claimed he could do tricks.  I remember he bent a wire coat hanger so it had a loop at the end, and when he lowered it into the bucket, Murray would jump through it.  We couldn’t really tell if Murray was jumping or if our crazy Uncle was just sliding the loop under him.

I'll tell you more, as I remember it.

 

 

 

 

TAG - you're it.

 

Here’s the thing,

When you wear a tee shirt that carries a saying, message or advertising on it, it’s not only possible, but very likely those reading it automatically associate you with the message you’re displaying.

One obvious issue is the relationship the reader has with the product or service advertised on your shirt.  If they have had a bad experience or encounter, you will forevermore remind them of that experience.  Your relationship will always carry a portion of that negativity. Combing your hair won’t help, neither will bathing or hiding your tattoos.

Short of buying an all-new wardrobe, might I suggest turning your shirt inside out, and if necessary, wear it backwards.  Trust me, everyone you meet will enjoy a completely different impression of you.  Just ignore that little tag sticking out.

Shelter

 

from the root word: Shell.
Origin; Old Chelltic 1155 AD to 1527
= 372
Designed to carry the 1

Christmas through the mail slot

 

Free Range

 

untied

Without Options

 

There is no choice

Focus

 

I'd like to zoom closer

In hopes, understand

how complex, yet simple

the plight of Man

 

To get inside

focus on needs

his fear of living

sadly, his greed

 

direction of knowledge

forever a guess -

before time lost

gets addressed

The 15th Ring

 

For fourteen times the phone rang.  Based on the time of day and the persistence, I just knew it was important, but there was no way I could answer it.  Nobody was supposed to be in the house, especially me, not now, not after…. well, you know.

It all began three days ago, at Newman’s Drug’s and Stuff.  I noticed a crowd gathering just beneath the lamp post.  Being curious, I walked up and asked one of the people what was going on.  A lady gave me an odd look and said, “Someone just took his pulse.”

“That’s terrible. Who would do such a thing?” I said.  A person on my left then looked at me and said, “Who are you and why so many questions?”  Surprised and just a little defensive I said, “Hey, I just got off that bus, isn’t this Palookaville? I had a one-way ticket.  I got off here because I thought this was it.”

I could feel the focus of the crowd shifting from the guy laying on the sidewalk to me.  They started to murmur, and I was getting very uncomfortable.  Then I felt a hand take hold of my arm.  I looked and saw it was an older lady wearing an apron.  It said, Larry’s Café and Stuff.  She must have been a waitress.  She had heavy, red lipstick and a lit cigarette bobbing up and down from her lips as she spoke. 

I wanted to tell her that I could use a cup of coffee, but her perfume was choking me up so much I couldn’t get the words out.  That’s when she tugged on my arm and said, “Come with me.  You look like you could use a cup of Joe.”

As we crossed the street, I could hear the crowd’s murmur die out.  They had already lost interest in the stranger in town.  “I’m Ned,” I said. She gave me a quick glance and said her name was Floozie.  This must be Palookaville, I thought. 

I took a seat at the counter and Floozie picked a coffee cup from a couple stools away from me and wiped it off on her apron.  “Cream and sugar.” She said.

“No, black” I replied. 

“No, I wasn’t asking if you wanted cream and sugar, I was just telling you what I was wiping off of this mug.”

I ignored that and instead I pointed at the cardboard sign that said, Sundries.  “Just what are sundries, anyway?”

Floozie grinned a little and said, “You know, I asked Larry that once and he just said it’s stuff.  That’s why he calls this place Larry’s Café and Stuff.  It’s the stuff."

“Shouldn’t that sign be at Newman’s Drugs and Stuff, and not at a Café?”

“Yea, Larry liked the sign so he bought it from Newman.”

That made no sense, but I let it drop.  I was focused more on the questionable coffee mug Floozie was now setting in front of me.

There were two coffee pots sitting on the heating plates behind the counter.  One had a brown top and the other orange.  I looked at Floozie and said, "I'm regular."

She stopped for a moment and just looked at me.  "You seem like a 44 in a coat and..."

"No, I mean I don't want decaffeinated coffee."

"These are both regular, honey.  The pots are different because that's the way they came." and she filled my cup from the orange pot, and by this time the ash on her cigarette was about to drop off.  As she spun around to set the pot back on the heating plate, the ash flew off and landed perfectly in the glass ashtray that was on the counter.

"I bet you couldn't do that again if you tried."

She gave me an odd look.  "Bud, I've been pouring coffee for years, I could do this all day long."

I didn't bother to explain that I was talking about the cigarette ash landing in the ashtray.  Obviously she had not noticed it, and I was also thinking there was something off, just a little, with this town.

I may or may not add to this nonsense.
I'm not sure yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2024 in Review

 

Now get back to work.

Sometimes, even when the power is off, it takes my mind time to slow to a stop.

 

A man sitting upon a horse

is called – a cowboy.

 

A boy sitting upon a cow

is asking for trouble.

 

A businessman out on a ledge

is going to jump, and is already 

in trouble.

 

While a car on the street below

requires a jump, and is causing

trouble.

Someone with two left feet

can't dance,

are a medical marvel, 
and hard to buy shoes for.

Overall, not all farmers wear them.

The squirrel has running’s full of jumps

Poison Ivy causes bumps

Bosses always turn to chumps

While mashed potatoes can have lumps.

 

A hunter’s wall is full of heads

Before were live, now are deads

I’m thinking hunters all would dread

If deer had all the guns instead.

Okay, I'm done now.

 

With a pinch of Salt

 

It is in life

I’ve muddled through

and now

that I’m retired –

I’d like to say

a thing or two –

before I am expired.

Back-up cameras

I think they’re great

not crazy

about the drones –

Stop walking

in the city

while staring

at your phones.

I’m glad there’s no

Report cards

For when we are

Retired,

When every day’s

a holiday

It’s hard to get

inspired.

Leave your shoes

outside the door

be happy

and be kind,

Be careful with

your pennies,

generous

with your time.

Never believe

the things I say

don’t treat them

like they’re true,

Remember

as it was in life

I barely muddle through.

 

 

                             zc

Acme Glass Company

 

accidently installed shower door glass

in my front room window.

Waiting for a Nibble

 

Uncomfortable seat

Cloudy

Cast a line away -

Quiet lake

Bobber floats

Waiting most the day -

Stupid fish

Doesn't bite

Yet it swims so near,

Mosquitoes

they begin to lite

I'll have another beer -

A friend of mine

he catches fish

once caught

he sets them free -

though not before

he takes a pic

and shows the thing to me.

 

Thanks for a fun year

 

Feeding Frenzy

 

       by:  Walt

Insufficient Fun

 

If I were to receive mental notices from my memory about my time in school, each notice would be marked insufficient fun.  I’m thinking school could be so much better than it is.  Most of my instructors were way too serious.  I’m thinking, less Albert Einstein and more Alfred Newman is called for. 

People striving to become teachers should first spend a month as a stand-up comic.  Making the transition from a smoky nightclub to the front of a classroom could make them more aware that there is more than one way to see the world around them.  Losing your audience has less devastating effects than losing a group of students.  One affects just you, while the other has far reaching ripples.

Creating an environment conducive for learning has gotten pushed to the margins of the curriculum.  If not glossed over, it is forgotten altogether.   Although technology has become interwoven, it should never take center stage.  The human condition will always remain, no matter the endeavor, and when it ceases to be fun, test scores and robots will be all that remain.

 

 

Soggy Socks

 

Looking at my coffee this morning, I noticed a bubble on the surface.  It was a small bubble, and I began to wonder if the temperature inside that bubble was as hot as the liquid coffee it was floating on.

In thinking about that, I considered for a moment that I was standing inside that bubble.   The air surrounding me would be very warm and breathing it in would surely be uncomfortable.  I know breathing in the cold air of winter does not feel all that good, so it makes sense hot air would be just as bad.

This brief mental excursion was cut short as soon as I pictured my shoes standing on the surface of the coffee.  Obviously, my weight would be enough to cause the coffee to flow up over the sides of my shoes, causing me to slowly sink, like some canoe attempting to support one too many.

And Yes, this really happened.

 

        OK, here’s the strange part.  Out of all the nonsense you’ve heard throughout your life, it turns out it is reincarnation that’s real.  There is no limit to what you can come back as.  Right away you’re wondering how I know.  I can see it in your face.   You’re thinking I’m nuts.

        For months and months Larry, remember Larry?  Anyway, whenever Larry got up during the night, for whatever reason, as he walked across his dark living room, he could feel someone watching him.  He always thought that one day he would see some mysterious light floating, and it would be the spirit of someone.  That never happened.

        What did happen was a tiny voice spoke to him as he walked past.  At first, he wasn’t sure he really heard anything, but he stopped walking and just stood there.  All he could see were the little lights here and there, one from the clock on the front of the microwave, and one across the room, which turned out to just be a reflection from the streetlight outside.  Anyway, as he stood there, he heard it again.

        It was a Psssst sound, like someone across the table from him at the library trying to get his attention.  Larry whispered back.  “Who’s there?”

        “Remember the girl, years ago, on the playground, who got hit in the head with the baseball?  Well, it’s me.”

        “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you.”

        “That hurts my feelings.  I always liked you, sort of.”

        “What are you doing here, and why can’t I see you?”

        “I don’t know why I’m here at your house.  This is just where I showed up.  I think if you saw me, you’d get scared and smack me with a newspaper.”

        “They stopped our hometown newspaper.  They went out of business or something.”

        “So how do you know what’s going on?  I can’t believe they stopped the newspaper.”

        “Why would I smack you?”

        “I came back as a spider, Larry.  I am currently over here, on the edge of the lampshade.”

        “Look, if I smacked you there, I’d end up knocking the lamp over and probably breaking the lightbulb.”

        “Focus, Larry.  Maybe I picked the wrong person to reveal myself too."

        "No, I'm okay.  I'll pay attention, it's just that I have so many questions, and right now I'm not even sure that I'm not dreaming this."

        "Sit down and I will try to explain a few things to you."

        "Start with how it is you're talking, not only that, but you are speaking English and have a memory of your past life."

        "That's better Larry, now just be quiet and let me try to explain.  I don't have all the answers, but I have a few.  As far as me talking, I don't have vocal cords and a voice like people do.  I am thinking this and you are hearing it, but I haven't a clue how.  You see, Larry...  there are Keepers.  At least, that's what we call them.  They control most everything you see and interact with.  It is the Keepers who help old people keep their balance.  (I'm kidding Larry) Some things are done on an individual, personal level.  Some Keepers handle things on a much larger scale, like keeping a balance between good and evil, keeping your technological innovations to a minimum.  It is actually the Keepers who messed up and let the environment get so out of whack.  You people are calling it global warming, but it is a much bigger issue than you think.  There are relationships between planets and even between solar systems that require keeping.  I hesitate to tell you what is actually going on.  Larry, did you fall asleep over there?

Larry?" 

To be continued

       

I was cut out of the will

 

The W ll

Only one holds a Genie

 

Mug Shots

 

Working our way through the Glades

 

Sparky ran to get the Frisbee, but the wind caught it and it sailed out over the water. Even the waves didn't slow him down.  It was like he was on a mission. We both called out to him but the sound of the waves must have drowned out our voices.

Sparky was swimming like crazy against the waves and not too far out a wave carried the Frisbee back to meet him.  He bit down on it and quickly turned back towards shore.  This, however, is not the story. 

The story begins when we all climb in the car to head home.  Let me just say, sitting in a closed space with a wet dog is one thing, but being wet from ocean water is something altogether different.  There weren’t enough air fresheners in the world.