Episode 16

OAK VALLEY

The Trial

 

            Erick Foster, who is representing Massy Ferguson, in Oak Valley’s biggest (and only ever) trial has begun the long process of selecting a jury.

 

Erick:  “I’ll take THAT jury over there your Honor.”

 

Judge Carmine Miranda-Wrights:  “Ok, well we got that out of the way.  What’s next?”

 

Three days later… as the trial continues…

 

Erick:  “Judy, have you ever had cause to be treated by the Hospital since they moved into the Sears Home and Garden Center?”

 

Judy:  “Yes.  I was in Lay-away as an outpatient.”

 

Erick:  “How would you describe the level of care you were given?”

 

Judy:  “Well, I used to be Siamese Triplets until I went there and had the other two Judy’s removed and I just charged it.”

 

Erick:  “You mean…”

 

Judy:  “Yes, I used to be Judy, Judy, Judy.”

 

Judge:  “You may step down and thank you for your time, Judy.  Ladies and gentleman please note for the record that Judy is wearing a tan pantsuit, brown pumps with a matching leather handbag,  She has chosen to accent her hairstyle with a…”

 

Erick:  “Excuse me Judge but this is not a beauty contest.  Can we get on with it -please?”

 

Judge:  “Oops, sorry, force of habit.”

 

Noel Contendere, the Defense Lawyer:  “Excuse me your Honor but I believe I can save a lot of the Court’s time if you’ll permit me to call just one person to the stand.”

 

Judge:  “Ok.”

 

Noel:  “Your Honor, I call Erick Foster to the stand.”

 

The Crowd:  “Murmur, murmur, murmur,”

 

Bailiff:  “Erick, raise your right hand.  Your other right.  Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

 

Erick:  “Hey!  I’m a lawyer.”

 

Bailiff:  “Ok, close enough.”

 

Noel:  “Now, Mr. Foster, you are attempting to prove negligence on the part of Sears Home and Garden Center and Oak Valley General Hospital simply because instead of placing a barcode on Mr. Ferguson’s forehead that reflected a back injury he was instead labeled as discontinued.  Would you please point to the barcode that represents a back injury?”

 

Erick:  “I’m not sure I …”

 

Noel:  “Ok, Mr. Foster, then point to the barcode that represents $24.99.”

 

Erick:  “Here, this one.”

 

Noel:  “Nope, not even close.  That’s the barcode for Hives.  Your Honor, I believe this entire case should be thrown out.  This man calls himself a lawyer but as you can see he can’t even pass the Bar Examination.”

 

 

            And so it came to be…  Judge Carmine Miranda-Wrights declared Judy to be Miss Trial and then went to Tampa with the jury.  (Sorry)  Oak Valley’s day in court had come and gone.  Massy Ferguson went back to the farm.  Sears Home and Garden Center, along with the Oak Valley General Hospital staff, went back to work and poor Erick…  Erick promptly quit his Law practice and once again became a Squeegee Guy, cleaning the windshields of Oak Valley drivers as they stopped for the light at First and Main.

 

            Well…  Tune in again tomorrow, when we’ll, “Hey!  Look up in the sky.  It’s a bird… it’s a plane…  it’s…

 

            “Hey!  You missed a spot.”