Stocking Stuffer

 

Out in time for Christmas, the new iPhone 3000, with its own built-in Wi-Fi signal and anti-gravity force field.  Complete with Call Tracker.  If you drop a call, it will find it and pick up at the very last sentence spoken.  No disruptions, guaranteed.

Face recognition is a thing of the past with iPhone 3000.  Like a baby duck, this phone will bond with you instantly.  It will know it’s you and only work when with you.  Waterproof, heat resistant and with its black-box technology it can survive a drop from an 18-story building without so much as a scratch.

The iPhone 3000 contains a nuclear battery that never needs charging.

Side effects may include fever blisters, tingling, uncontrolled vomiting, forgetfulness, jitters, headaches, radiation poisoning, sweats, disorientation and loss of bowel movements. If symptoms persist hang-up and remove your shoes. Stay outdoors but in the shade.  As soon as possible, wrap the iPhone 3000 in several layers of tinfoil and bury it at least 9 feet deep.  Wavelength Corporation is not responsible for any damage caused by explosions.