Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round and let
us pay tribute to the most majestic, awe-inspiring, and utterly efficient
machine ever devised by humankind: the government.
Ah yes, the government—where innovation goes
to nap and urgency is politely asked to wait its turn. Where decisions are made
by committees, reviewed by subcommittees, and then quietly buried under a
mountain of paperwork that no one remembers filing.
Let us marvel at its uncanny ability to spend
$3 million studying the mating habits of squirrels while potholes develop their
own zip codes. Where transparency means releasing a 900-page report in 6-point
font, and accountability is a mystical creature rumored to exist in the wild
but never seen in captivity.
And who could forget the dazzling spectacle
of campaign season? That magical time when promises flow like champagne and
facts are optional. Where every candidate is “fighting for you,” though somehow,
they all end up fighting each other in televised debates that resemble a game
show hosted by wrestling referees.
But fear not, dear citizens! Your elected
officials are hard at work—behind closed doors, of course—crafting legislation
with the help of lobbyists who just happen to have the same interests as
billion-dollar corporations. What a coincidence!
So let us salute this grand institution. The
government: proof that if you give enough people titles, acronyms, and coffee,
they can turn even the simplest task into a multi-year odyssey of confusion.
Long may it reign. Preferably somewhere far
away, with limited Wi-Fi.
The best fix I can think of would be to remove greed from everything, government, corporations and people in general. No greed = no shenanigans. Just a quiet lantern at the edge of hope.
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