Green Jell-O

So I’m at the podiatrist and I’m not really complaining as much as I am explaining what a difficult time I always have finding a pair of comfortable shoes.  No matter what brand, no matter the type or style, I just can’t find a pair that fits right.  Then, as if some switch got flicked  the Doctor gets all serious, looks at me and says he needs to trim a little off my feet and my problem will go away.  I thought he was kidding, so I chuckle and say, “Ya – right”, but he’s still looking as serious as can be.  He digs through what looks to be a junk drawer and pulls out this laminated chart.  There are images of feet, left ones and right ones with dimension lines and arrows, and there are hand written calculations along the margins in what appears to be grease pencil.  He pulls a sheet of paper towel from the wall dispenser and quickly wipes off the hand written notes, mumbling, “That didn’t work.”

“What didn’t work?” I ask nervously.   He looks up and says, “Toe calculations were off.” and he quickly steps out of the office.

Now I really don’t want to be there.  I’ve been coming to this guy for years but all of a sudden it’s like I don’t know him at all.  I swing around in the chair and start putting my socks and shoes back on, but as I’m doing that his assistant steps in and says, “The Doctor needs some x-rays.  Please follow me.”

“I’m sorry but I forgot I have this thing I have to be at.  I’ll reschedule at the front desk.”  But his nurse takes a firm grip of my arm and says, “Relax, this will only take a few minutes.”  She leads me into the small X-ray room and has me pull my shoes and socks off again.  “Lie on your back on this table and put your feet against this wall with your toes up to this mark.”

As I lay back she reaches over and scoots my right foot a little higher.  “There, hold them there.”  Then from a cabinet she pulls out a small paper plate with a square of green Jell-o on it and she gently sets it on my chest.  “I need you to lie perfectly still.  If this Jell-o starts to wiggle that means you’re not laying still enough and we’ll have to start over.”

“You people are bonkers.”  I snatched the plate from my chest and swung my legs over the side of the table.  “I’m getting out of here.”  This time I didn’t wait to put my socks and shoes back on I just headed for the door.  I expected the nurse to try and stop me but all she did was reach out and take back the plate of Jell-o.

As I ran down the hall toward the exit sign I could feel the cold tile on the bottom of my feet and the slapping sound they made against the floor echoed as if the hallway was a mile long.  As I ran various doors would open and people would peek out to see what this slapping sound was.  As they watched me run by they seemed frightened and quickly closed their door.  I noticed one of them was holding a plate with a square of green Jell-o on it.  The look on his face was of pure panic.  Our eyes locked as I past and at the same time I noticed only my left foot was making the slapping sound.  My right foot was still keeping up but no longer could I feel the coldness of the floor or hear the echoed slap.

I suddenly got a queasy feeling in my gut.  I was scared to look down.  What had happened to my right foot and why did the exit sign seemed like it was even farther away.  I didn’t appear to be getting any closer.  Scared to look down at my foot and afraid I’d never get out of there - what was happening?

Toe calculations?  Was I dreaming all of this?  It was like some nightmare.  Yea, that was it.  I must have fallen asleep in the chair; so how do I wake myself up?  No – maybe I fell asleep lying on the X-ray table.  Maybe if I look down at my chest I’ll see the plate of Jell-o wiggling because of my running.  But I couldn’t force myself to look and I couldn’t explain why my right foot was no longer smacking the cold tile floor as I ran.  Had the doctor taken too much off?  Had he failed math in school?

I scrunched my eyes closed and listened to the absence of sound my right foot was making.  Swish – swish - swi...