People on Bicycles

Lately I find I grow weary waiting for the coffee maker to drip coffee into my mug.

It isn't so much that I'm in a hurry to drink my coffee because I always have to let it cool before taking a sip.

While waiting I usually contemplate the humans I know.  For example:  no matter how tall or short they are - each of their feet is exactly a foot long.  And here's one, no matter the shape of their head - their nose is always the scenter of their face.

Now comes the part I don't get; none of them have punctuation.  They are all continuous run-on persons.  There are no comas between each finger and only a potential dash between toes.  And get this, sometimes their eyebrows say exclamation mark, but try and find one.

Anyway, my coffee is ready now.

Take care. 

 

 

 

In my Quest for the Perfect Breakfast...

 

I left no scone unturned.

 

 



The Recipe

 

 

...called for shaved chocolate.

 

 



Escaping through yonder window

Always with a quick retort 
Not only as a last resort
she'll cut through all the verbal haze
to point the error of my ways,
Sarcastic is her way of life
Known to all who've met my wife
Had Shakespeare such a way to go
He'd known where art his Romeo.

 

 

Authority. Figures...

 

 

...so I go to visit my friend who is in the hospital.  As I enter, the security guard tells me to empty all my pockets into the plastic tray and to walk through the body scanner, which I do.

 

Then he asks me why I have a camera case on my belt.  "I like taking pictures.  I always carry my camera."

 

Well, he says, you can't have that around here.  They don't want any pictures taken.  If you take that out of the case while you are here you'll have to leave the building.

 

OK, fine.  As I proceed to walk through the halls, searching for my friend's room, I see an amazing amount of people with cell phones.  Now I'm wondering to myself if that security guard has the slightest clue what cell phones can do. 

 

I should have paid closer attention to his badge.  I'll bet it was issued in 1950.

 

 

 

This is ZC

and the above is a true story

 





The Majors

Watching the Cubs play in the World Series brought back memories of my brush with the big league.  Many years ago I tried out for a team up in Michigan called the Detroit Tigers.

I remember spending an exhaustive week fielding grounders, catching pop flies, running the bases and of course, having my turn at bat.  I was more than good.  There didn’t seem to be a position I couldn’t play well.

During that week I not only interviewed with coaches and managers, I got to play in practice games with players like Al Kaline, Stormin’ Norman Cash, Harvey Kuenn; it was a time in my life that seemed quite unreal, and I was in heaven.

I didn’t hear from them for two weeks; the two longest weeks of my life.  When the letter came I remember my hands were shaking as I tried to open it.  It was, unfortunately a, we regret to inform you, letter.  They were all impressed with my abilities and liked me as a person, but apparently I did not have enough saliva to play in the majors.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had gone the entire week without spitting.

I just didn’t have what it took to play baseball.

 

 

Making Arrangements

 

Never rent the pillow -

That’s a profit making deal,

and don’t believe cremation

is something you won’t feel,

Now who’s to trim your toenails

when you’ve become – The Late?

and never let the cause of death

be something that you ate:

They’ll say a nasty mushroom

is why you did succumb,

As a newbie in the after-life

you’ll come off rather dumb.

 

Now who’s to trim your toenails?

I don’t mean to harp –

but the things will keep on growing

and some can be quite sharp,

I suggest - Eternal Trimming?

it’s a service for - The Late,

our trial plan runs 50 years

all paid from your estate.

 

 X__________________________________