A Walk in the Woods

 

 

Once upon a time there lived some office types who had, for some unknown reason, decided to spend their lunchtime by taking a walk in the nearby woods.   They were dressed, as office types often are, in upscale attire.  Although they themselves were not lawyers, they always had to look their best around the office.  Instead of thinking of all the things that a walk in the woods might involve, most had thoughts of delicious sandwiches, maybe a slice of pickle, chips and a beverage of some sort.

As further and further into the woods they went, these thoughts of eating a fine, albeit hurried lunch began to surface.

“Did anyone bring any snacks?” asked Moreen, whose heels kept digging into the forest floor as she walked.

“Yes” replied Bob.  And there’s always a Bob.  “I was wondering the same thing.  Maybe we should have brought lunch with us.  I am getting a little hungry.”

Phillip, the office snitch chimed in.  “I knew this was a bad idea.  Who goes for a walk in the woods when it’s lunch time?”

“Shut-up Phil.  You’re such a whiner.”

Mary didn’t like Phillip and never pretended to.  Mary was outspoken and had somehow made herself Chief-of-Police over the copy machine.  She never wanted anyone fussing with it.  If it needed paper, she would do it, if a service call was to be made, Mary had the repair technician on her speed dial.    Often, during breaks, Mary would wipe down the copy machine with her packet of Lysol wipes.  Whenever Phil thought Mary was watching, he’d walk by the copy machine and pretend to sneeze on it.  

 

Bob would always laugh.  Today it was noticed that Mary would reach out and swat mosquitoes away from her other office mates who happened to be walking near-by.  Nobody said anything.  That was just Mary. 

Oddly quiet Ned had been walking out in front of the group.  He didn’t seem to mind swatting at his own mosquitoes and appeared to be trudging onward without even looking back to see if the group was still behind him.  Occasionally he would bend over, pick something up, examine it, and then toss it away.

Oddly quiet Ned was too busy thinking about the report he had been working on when everyone broke for lunch.  He was going over the numbers in his head.   Even though he knew the report was going to reflect a substantial loss in business, Ned felt the boss would be impressed with the great detail the report had gone into.  Ned was always fastidious and a conscientious worker, who enjoyed being accurate.   When the other office types needed an answer to a problem, they always would ask oddly quiet Ned to find the answer.  They didn’t, however, seem to like him.  They just used him when they needed something.  In fact, no one was sure who had invited Ned along on their walk, which Mary mentioned to Betty as she swatted at her arm.

Betty was the one person in the office plagued with discovering the last person who used the stapler, and had obviously also used the last staple.  If the copy machine was going to jam, it was going to do it when Betty was using it.  Betty believed she had bad office Juju.  She knew there was nothing she could do about it, it was just her lot in life to be the one.  If anyone was going to find themselves stuck in the restroom with no toilet paper, it was going to be Betty.  

On the upside, whenever something good would happen around the office, it was somehow always Betty who was thanked by Management.  For some unknown reason, in their eyes, Betty could do no wrong and was the one person who kept things running smoothly. 

None of the other office types seemed to mind that Betty got all the credit, except of course, for Phillip.  He would always crab about it and then try to explain to Management what really happened, but even Management saw Phil as a whiner.

Bob noticed Moreen walking rather oddly and pointed out to her that her left shoe was stuck in the ground a few feet behind her.  Moreen had thought her shoe had come unstuck when she pulled up hard with her foot, but that wasn’t the case.  She looked behind her and noticed her high heel had remained stuck in the soil.  As she looked down, she could see her left foot was in fact – shoeless.

Mary, a tad impatient, announced that Moreen should just stay behind, as she was slowing everyone down.  Betty, already tired of walking, said that she would remain with Moreen, suggesting no one should be left alone in the woods.

Phillip, who wasn’t wearing a watch, but kept looking at his wrist anyway, suggested they better start heading back to the law firm, or they’d all be late.  Mary told him to shut-up and to go and pull Moreen’s shoe from the dirt.

Oddly quiet Ned noticed a metal object sticking out of the weeds next to the trail they were following.  As he lifted it up, everyone could see it was a civil war sword.  It looked to be in near perfect condition.  Thinking the last thing he wanted to do was to lug this thing all the way back to work, he tossed it farther out into the forest.

The now smaller group left Betty and Moreen sitting on a log, as they continued along the trail.  Phillip asked Bob if he had anything to eat.  Bob, who had just polished off a Zagnut candy bar, asked how he could be thinking about food at a time like this.

“You mean lunch-time?”  Phillip replied.

Bob didn’t answer, but Mary did chime in.  “I guess we should think about eating something so we can head back.”

Bob looked at Mary and said, “What time is it getting to be, anyway?”

“I’m fairly sure we’ve been out here for over an hour.”  Phillip said.

Mary snapped at him.  “Why didn’t you say anything before this?  We only get an hour for lunch, and we still have to hike back.”

Moreen said, “You know – we can still hear you.  You haven’t gotten very far from us.”

Betty replied, “I can still see them.  They’re just right over there.”

“Well, I don’t care what the rest of you do, I can’t afford to be late, so I’m heading back.”  However, just as Phillip started to run back in the direction of the law firm, oddly quiet Ned pointed out that there was a pair of red-handled scissors on the ground by Phillip’s foot.  Phillip bent down, picked up the scissors and began running down the trail.

“That can’t be good.”  Betty replied.

Moreen, sounding a bit annoyed, announced the obvious lack of vending machines in the woods and said that she too was heading back.

Just as the group of them began walking back towards the office, oddly quiet Ned bent down and with a somewhat dirty book in his hand said, “What’s this?”

Mary quickly scooted over to oddly quiet Ned and snatched the book from him.

“Let me see that.” Marry blurted.

Brushing the dirt from the cover, Mary could see the title of the book.  Toad – at owner’s expense.

As she fanned through the pages she said, “This looks to be a stupid poetry book.”  and she tossed it to the ground.

“Wait, Betty said sharply, as she picked it back up.  This could be one of those books that has clues hidden inside.  Somebody give me a pen.  I’m going to fill this out and we can see how many clues we can figure out.”

Moreen, who had been looking over Betty’s shoulder, said “Wait… what’s that?”

“It looks like a story in the back.  It says, A Walk in the Woods.”

Bob: “Why would a poetry book have short stories in it?”

Marry: “Is anyone but me wondering if Phillip made it back to work?”

Betty: “Really… nobody has a pen?”

 Bob:  "Here, I have an office pen.  It's got Murphy's Law printed right on it."

Just then a loud clap of thunder broke the silence and a flash flood sent these would-be hikers tumbling down the hill and scattering them beyond retrieval.