The Capistrano Diet Book

- Or -

It’s the Swallows that get you.

Written by: Zobostic Corwin

       Somewhere out there, there is a cookie with your name on it.  Today there is a movement to slim down Americans.  Statistics indicate that obesity has taken the lead in this country as the number one cause of being overweight.   I may have worded that incorrectly, but you get my drift.

          Human nature, and our general propensity to eat things that taste good, has led us down this path.  From an early age we are given positive reinforcement, treats if you will, as a reward for engaging in a behavior that apparently pleases some second party.  Now that second party is sitting back and calling us chunky.  How rude is that?

          The Capistrano Diet Book has been designed with you in mind.  Not the YOU that you project to others, but the real you, the deep down, warts and all you.  This is not a program designed to sell you diet products, nor is it a club to join.  This is simply a book.  I thought I was specific about that in the title.  Try and pay attention, things will move along much faster.

          I also need to mention that when you finish reading this book you will not be slim.  As you appear today, so shall you be tomorrow.  However, if you read my entire series of books, without snacking, and avoiding fat, sugar, carbs, and get plenty of exercise as you read, then by the time you’ve completed my very last book, I think you will be very pleased.   Note:  As of today there is no projection as to the number of books to be in this series, nor has a completion date been anticipated.  Additionally, nothing in this book has anything to do with the actual town of San Juan Capistrano; it’s history, citizens or their collective weight.

         

Page 2

          I’m proud of you.  You have come a long way since beginning that first page.  This tells me that you are serious, if not about losing weight, then at least about seeing what it is I say next.  If you’ll think back to that first page, you’ll remember that I mentioned a cookie being out there somewhere with your name on it.  I should confess at this point that I was speculating.  Think about it.  How could I possibly know what your name is?  Since the onset of this relationship I’ve been doing all the talking.  You haven’t said boo.  But that’s OK, because we don’t cover Halloween until the third book.

          We have various facets of the weight loss movement taking place simultaneously. We have the research people delving into the specifics of chemical, biological, and physiological changes that take place as our systems process certain foods, food additives, and organically grown products.  We also have the advertisers pushing the high-profit, UN-healthy snack foods at us.  These two segments do not even address the medical community’s emphasis on health.  But on a positive note, the medical community appears, for the most part, to be in agreement that good health is the desirable goal.   Options to optimum health conditions will be discussed in books to follow, as will discussions of those doctors who, for reasons of financial gain, tend to suggest alternate avenues for weight control.  You will know them by the cars they drive.

          Cutting to the chase, there is only one obstacle between you and your weight goal.  Once you accept this as fact, you can start on your journey to a slimmer, trimmer you.  Of course I’m talking about your brain.  Yep, your control center is that part of you that rationalizes your intake.  How often have you said this?  “Oh, well if YOU made them, I guess I should try one.”  Or  “This one piece of cake won’t hurt me, I’ll exercise twice tomorrow.”

          That is the weak, destructive side of your brain.  The real battle is to attack your thought process.  Trust me, once we accomplish this, everything else will follow.  If you can learn to control your thoughts, you’ll find less and less contraband going into your shopping cart.  After a short time, all of this will become as natural as breathing.   You will be eating healthy and exercising more and buying this book for your friends.

Page 3

          So now you’re asking just how are you going to change or keep these thoughts in check.  Let me ask you a question first.  When you read that last section that suggested this was a simple process of thought control, how many of you quickly argued with me, or made some snide comment?  Come-on, show of hands…

          I thought so.  Your brain has already gotten wind of this attempt to overthrow it, and it is now on alert.  This is going to be tougher than I thought.  Here, try this; keep reading, but turn off the internal sound.  Really, finish this book without reading it to yourself.  We’re going to have to sneak up on your brain when it least expects it.  I would guess about 15 pounds from now you will be able to go back to reading your normal way, but for now shut down that internal voice.

          Ok, good.  Your brain seems to be clueless.  Now that there’s just the two of us, lets begin to clear the path that you will soon be walking down.  It’s good to think of it as a path, that way all of the obstacles that your brain will be throwing in front of you can be viewed as weeds growing in the path.  We’ll be pulling those weeds as we go, keeping it clear and stumble free.  It is easy to spot a weed from, say… a cauliflower.  The cauliflower is a large, healthy looking plant that will give you nourishment.  Weeds are small, dark, evil things, like brownies, cookies and candy.  Yes, believe it or not, candy is a very prevalent weed.  It seems to sprout up between the cracks in the walk, and it slithers up the sides of counters and spreads rapidly.  Before you know it, it is in lunchrooms, offices, in your home, and it even works it’s way into your car.

          Before you know it, you’ll be an expert at spotting weeds and pulling them out at the roots.  Not long after that, you’ll notice that the path you are on hasn’t a single weed anywhere.  The control you will have gained over your brain will keep you on a clear path to health and fitness.  Ok, too rosy?  Remember, I did warn you that it is the swallows that will get you.  If there is a good and bad to everything, then the swallows are the evils that plague the Capistrano Diet.  Keep them in check, and you’re home free.  Remember, however, they will want to return, year after year, but don’t let them.

Page 4

          Self-defeating behaviors are fertilizers that feed weeds.  They are tricks that your brain will play on you.  (The Morton’s are coming over on Saturday night.  Gee, I better get some desert in the house.  I have to have something to serve them).  This is simply your brain playing its polite card.  We all want to be polite, and cordial, so off to the store we go, so our company can have hors d’oeuvres, and desert, and Oh, I might as well buy some ice cream while I’m here. 

          I know one guy in San Diego who hides his weeds.  He has little stashes all over the house.  He figures that out-of-sight is out of mind.  Not so.  Out of sight is simply a swallow waiting to return.  He tells himself that it helps to have chocolate in the house, that way he won’t want it.  EXCUSE ME.  HELLO?  He already wants it – which is why he went out and put it into his shopping cart.  Do you realize that if shopping carts were living things, with all the junk food that we put into them they would be too fat and out of breath to make it down the aisles.

         

          Say, there’s a thought.  Remove the wheels from shopping carts.  They will be so heavy and cumbersome to drag down the aisles that you will shop less, buy less, and in so doing, eat less.  Eureka!  Book # 2, here I come.

          All right, maybe not.  Let’s move on.

         

         Author's note:

         This may be a reprinting of an earlier post.  If you remember having read it before - give yourself five extra points.  (I'll know if you cheat).