Here's the thing

 

This image is painted onto the window

of a business that reattaches heads.

The person in this picture is facing you.

Their head was reattached by a competitor

and as you can see, it has rolled off again.

Spend the money people.  You get what you pay for.

 

I was just thinking...

 

Apparently, there isn’t a need for alligators to have a tongue.  You never see one in any pictures of gators, and you certainly don’t see alligator tongue on menus, blackened or otherwise.

They have no need to form words or lick ice cream cones.  They don’t spend a lot of time chewing their food.  A big old alligator tongue would just get in the way.  How odd it must be for a gator to get a piece of camper stuck between his teeth and not be able to manipulate it loose.  It just stays there.  That must be frustrating.

 

Ashtray, Wisconsin

 

It won’t turn up on a Google search, and Rand McNally has never been there, but it is a very real and vibrant place.  The name, a translation from the Blackfoot Indians, means ashtray.  Ashtray, Wisconsin has gift shops, but no post cards.  They have drug stores that still have soda fountains, where for 35 cents you can get a chocolate milkshake or a Cherry Coke for a quarter.

The Ashtray Hardware is run by Fred BB Miller.  As a young child growing up in Ashtray, Fred was stung 43 times by a freak bumble bee attack.  When it was clear that Fred was out of danger from dying from the stings, his school chums gave him the nickname of Bumble Bee.  As Fred grew into adulthood, his nickname became shortened to BB.  There is a wall plaque behind the cash register showing the newspaper clipping of Fred with 43 welts on his face.

There is one laundry on Main Street, next to Hops Chinese Restaurant, but don’t call expecting Linda to recite the daily specials, as some of their menu options have changed.  

Just outside of town is a Cracker Barrell with a Ford dealership expected to take over the property kitty-corner.  Ashtray Chevrolet, north of the Interstate had no comment when questioned about Ford moving so close to town.  

Beside its somewhat hidden location, the other oddity about Ashtray is they do not have any local government.  There is no Mayor, no Counsel members, and no Police Chief.  They do have an all-volunteer fire department.  All members had to buy their own walkie-talkies and equipment.  There is one firehouse, two trucks, one of which is almost all paid for.

Only one volunteer firefighter has ever been fired.  Ned Lariby, was asked to resign after hearing a rumor of a housing boom, panicked and jumped into Engine #1, and crashed it into the massive Oak tree in town. 

Note:

A Native American historian from Cambridge University has determined the translation of the Blackfoot word for ashtray, really indicates an urn, or funeral vessel and not an ashtray, as previously thought. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even in Cemeteries

 

There are bad neighborhoods

One day in class

 

Don’t look down at the keyboard.

 

Place your fingers like this.

 

Put your index finger here, these fingers here…

 

Don’t look down.  You should be able to type without watching your fingers.

 

Use your little finger to, DON’T look down, now I mean it.

 

Okay, type the sentence I have up on the board.

 

The Quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.  Now you try it.

 

Yjr Wixk, nroqn doz humped ploer rje hazy frog.

 

Okay, maybe YOU should look down.

We're going to need a bigger boat

            I’m not a mainstream movie-goer.  The vast majority being violent and or vulgar tend to be a great cure for any popcorn craving I might have.  I avoid them all, as well as any movies about animals.  Hollywood has always fallen short of compassion and doesn’t hesitate to show Nature’s less attractive side as a form of entertainment.

 

            I do, however, pick up on famous movie lines even if I’ve never seen the movie.  They become popular and bandied about by the general public; they are referenced in general conversations and over time even people like me find themselves using them.

 

            Exactly what it is that catapults a line or phrase to stardom eludes me.  Perhaps it is the momentary comic relief in the story that lets the audience relax for a moment.  They get to step back from the action and remind themselves that it’s only a movie, these are actors and no one is really getting chopped up by some crazed lunatic zombie.  

 

            Then again maybe it is simply marketing.  Maybe the catch phrase is designed into the overall selling strategy.  It is put into the trailer and run and rerun to generate interest.  Tossing the line out into the general pool just knowing that the fish will bite and once they’re hooked… Box office receipts skyrocket.

 

            Frankly my dear – I don’t give a damn.  We don’t need no stinken badges. We’ll always have Paris, and the thing you gotta ask yourself is, do you feel lucky?  Well do ya? What we have here is a failure to communicate, and you know Toto – I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.  The thing is, I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore, but I love the smell of napalm in the morning. We rob banks, but after all, tomorrow is another day.  Well I’ve dragged this out long enough, so here’s looking at you kid.  May the force be with you.

 

 

            Hasta la vista, Baby

To all the Teachers

 

When windows frost

on a winter’s day,

Remember bits of yesterday –

and all the teachers

who'll never see,

how I’ve become the perfect me.