Pastrami on Rye

 

This is the story of the opera singer who never learned Italian, and the young village baker who loved her.

Once upon a time, in the small out-of-the-way village of Pastrami on Rye, lived an ambitious young oven owner and his dog Juan.  Skip and Juan were known by everyone in the village and except for the part that hadn’t happened yet, had lived there all their lives.

Betty, the pre-med student who dropped out to pursue her dreams of becoming an overweight opera singer had visited the small village one Saturday morning, having read in the local paper about a large, multi-family garage sale.  Betty couldn’t resist a bargain.

Right about now you’re probably asking yourself, why is this village named Pastrami on Rye?  That, my friend, is a long story and someday, time permitting, I’ll tell it to you, but for right now, let’s talk about this large, multi-family garage sale.  It truly was a sight to see.  It was spread across several lawns along Wilson Avenue.  Garage Sale signs had been posted in all directions.  Balloons were tied on the mailboxes in front of each participating household. By 8 AM the avenue was already lined with parked cars.

The thing is, it was never originally called Pastrami on Rye.  Long ago it had been known as Boozugeo-Ogaleni, which as everyone knows is Italian for –

You look hungry, eat something.  But I digress…

That Saturday morning, while the multi-family garage sale was a buzz with activity, Betty, our X pre-med student spotted a set of cassette tapes that claimed anyone could learn Italian in four short years.  She was excited.  All she would need now is determination and a cassette player.

Betty remembered seeing the television show, Long Island Medium.  The star of that show always used a cassette player. All Betty would need to do would be to contact the star of that show and find out where she bought her cassette player.  Then contact that store and see if they had another one.

For this part of our story we find ourselves in Long Island, visiting the home of Teresa Caputo, a large Medium, who herself knows a little Italian.  His name is Guido.