They don't always scatter when the lights come on

 

Last night’s friendly card game between retired seniors was rudely interrupted by an unusually large cockroach.

  Uninvited, this bug took it upon himself to address the peaceful gathering of retired seniors and chastise them for having the door propped open, allowing a modicum of air circulation. 

Until last night, the cleanliness of the Citrus Hills clubhouse had not come into question.  It had always been assumed that Citrus Hills management hired a pest control service, however it became obvious in last evening’s encounter that they do not.

This reporter believes, based on the great number of dues that are collected annually, a certain level of cleanliness is a reasonable expectation, and annoying cockroaches of any size should not be tolerated.

Reporting Live from Hernando

Mahatma Koat

 

Here's the thing...

 

The shoes I’ve had forever are no longer comfortable.  They are worn out to the point of getting my attention.  That’s not a good thing.  Shoes should be something you never think about.  You put them on at the beginning of the day, and at day’s end, you slip them off.  That’s it.  If there is one thing in life you are allowed to take for granted, it’s your shoes.

I’m not here, however, to discuss the transition from old shoes to new.  We’ve all been through that.  It is the point right before the switch I wish to focus on, saying good-bye to the old pair.  Think about it.  You’ve been through an awful lot together.  It’s been a relationship.  There was trust, dependability and don’t forget comfort.   Setting them out in the trash seems just so cold.  Hardly a fitting end for old friends.  And no, they are way beyond donating.  Nobody wants these things.

I do not have a photo album full of pictures showing their first steps, or seeing for the first time, their reflection in the angled floor mirror in the shoe department.  You know, I wouldn’t put it past those people to put extra padding under the carpet in shoe department.  They are trying to sell shoes.  They don’t care how they fit or what they look like, they just want their commission, so the more cushy everything feels, the more likely you’re going to pry your wallet open.

No, sorry.  Adding another layer of polish isn’t going to bring them back to life.  It’s beyond all that now.  I could, I guess, just stick them in the back of my closet instead of putting them out with the trash.  They’d be out of the way, and whenever I needed to see an old friend, there they’d be.  I could bring them out on special occasions.  Is this too weird?  Is this getting weird?  Look, I know they are just shoes but they’re not, just shoes, if you know what I mean.

Then again, maybe by wanting to hold onto these shoes, I’m subconsciously trying to hang onto my youth.  Could that be it?  Maybe I’m no different than these actors getting face-lifts, trying to keep looking young so they can get just one more job, do one more big movie.  Am I that pathetic?

No, I don’t think that’s it.  I certainly don’t wish to relive my youth.  Once was enough.  Once through high school was certainly enough.  What a joke that was.  The only education I walked away with was an in-depth knowledge of human behavior.  So called educators regurgitating bland descriptions, obscure dates and for what?  The teacher’s lounge filled with cigarette smoke while pay stubs were compared and weekend plans made.  No more than children themselves – no thank you.  Once through that was enough for a lifetime.

 

So what then?  What do I do with these?  What would be a graceful end to their time here?  Do I think there is a shoe heaven?  I don’t know.  If you follow that line of thinking, then a pair of shoes unlucky enough to be on the feet of a bank robber, would not get into heaven simply due to their association to the person wearing them?  How is that fair?  You’re saying a doctor’s shoes would be more important than a plumbers?  Maybe it’s like that kid thing…  All children automatically get into heaven, just like all pets do.  So maybe it is the same with shoes.

 

You know, I’ve seen these psychic shows, where they say loved ones are there to meet you when you get to heaven.  A sweet thought indeed, but that leaves me wondering…

What about that one shoe you see in the middle of the road?  How did they get separated?  Has the other shoe gone on without its mate?  How sad is that?

 

I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore.

 

 

 

Z. Corwin

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confiscated

 I was held at the Dallas

Airport

and my bag was searched

 

TSA has no sense of humor.

According to the Park Ranger

 

As long as you have those orange balls

floating in the water

the Gators won't bother the tourists.

The Science of Quiet

 

The rain brings down with it a certain quietness.  There is a noticeable absence of squawking from the crows.  Even neighborhood dogs seem content to snooze instead of bark during a gentle rain.  Perhaps, beyond the elements that make up a water molecule, there are silent additives, heretofore undetected by scientists and chemistry teachers.

These miniscule sound-deadening molecules, once striking an object, spin out a spiderweb-like blanket of non-noise.  This affects the insect world, until of course, it stops raining.  It is at that point we are again able to hear the insects, and the chirp of local birds.

It is these sound-deadening additives in water that allow ventriloquists to drink while successfully operating their puppet.

Think about it.  It makes sense.

In a Nutshell

 

I have gotten to a point where I can no longer simply sum-up my life.

It doesn’t fit into a nutshell and there are way too many important highlights to single out any one in particular.

My story can only be conveyed through my shoes.  

So many, many years ago they sat proudly on a display rack.  They smelled of rich, soft leather and they seemed to warrant the asking price.  From day one, my feet were happy.  They were comfortably hugged and cushioned against the harsh realities of life.

Needless to say, we went everywhere together.  Should I happen to break into a run, they kept pace, step for step.  On those occasions I was required to tread softly through a library, they never made a peep.  I had found my sole mates.

Sure, what you see today is worn and somewhat scruffy, but they can still handle the curves, stop on a dime, and quickly change directions at any mother-in-law sighting.

They have done well on foreign soil, repelled with ease the occasional misstep into a puddle and have taken a shine to any formal gathering.

At trails end, I have no trouble letting them speak for me.  We have stood facing life together.  There are no regrets.

When I look at the shoes of today, with their insanely high price tags and man-made uppers, I can’t imagine myself having to go through life with such things on my feet.  It would seem such an uncomfortable journey, I'd sooner take the bus.

Trouble with a Frisky Statue

 

One day at the museum.

As a Child...

 

I was not curious nor cute,

I was neither ambitious nor lazy.

I had, for the past few days,

taken a long, hard look at humanity.

I was concerned.

 

It's the Hat

 

Sometimes

a hat can tell you more about a person

than any country song.

Some hats have been around the block.

Some have seen the inside of rail cars,

been engulfed in trail dust

and in smoke-filled night clubs.

Sometimes meeting the hat

is enough to make you want to say

"Howdy."

 

4-Doors with room to haul more

 

My Pen Pal and her new truck.

Winds - out of the West, light and variable

 

 

I find it just a tad insane, how weathermen are treated.  It’s as if the general public won’t believe it is raining unless they see some schmuck standing out in the thick of it.

And you know, the cameraman is the smart one.  He isn’t the one to get splashed when a car goes zooming by.  It’s the news lady who has just sat in the make-up chair and spent hours getting her hair just right that takes the wall of high-speed gutter water on the chin.

I’ve seen them in lightening storms reporting to the masses that it isn’t safe to be standing outside in a lightning storm.  I’ve seen them in blizzards, when the wind is almost knocking them off their feet.  How stupid is that?

Television is all about the ratings.  I suggest that during sweeps week, only CEO’s, Chairman and station owners stand outside and report the weather.

 

I’d watch.

 

Mankind - is not.

 

The BBC has put together a five-disk DVD set called Planet Earth.  It comes in a fancy package and I’m sure was quite expensive.

Disk 1:  From Pole to Pole, Mountains and Fresh water.

Disk 2: Caves, Deserts and Ice Worlds.

Disk 3: Great Planes, Jungles and Shallow Seas.

Disk 4: Seasonal Forest and Oceans Deep.

Disk 5: The Future, Saving Species, Into the Wilderness & Living Together.

 

As many of you know, I never watch any Hollywood movies that have animals in them.  I have yet to find anyone in La-La Land that has a lick of sense.  Movies designed to amuse children are forever including someone cruel and who goes out of their way to mistreat the animal.  Even their cartoons reflect cruelty and a sadness that never should be a part of their storytelling.   Hollywood simply does not have the mental capacity to know how animals should be treated.

Now, I discover the BBC is no better.  Out of the five disks, I tried to select the one that would avoid disgusting images of animals eating other animals, and yes, I know that is part of life, but it needn’t be a part of my entertainment.

I selected the first disk.  Perhaps in this disk they could simply show the landscape, the rivers and maybe have a little gentle music in the background.

Now, because I trusted the BBC to have a modicum of good taste, I’ll forever have the image of a wolverine gnawing on the carcass of an antelope in my head.

Trust me when I tell you, we should not be sending rockets up into space in search of intelligent life.  From what I have seen, Man will never be a friendly, social animal, and that is reflected daily in his actions.  Just turn on your television and take a look.

Okay, now turn it off.  It's not worth watching.

ZC

  

We told them up front...

 

We don't pet sit

for smokers.

The Toe Tappers Tune

 

 

Lizards hanging upside down

Squirrels are leaping tree to tree

Birds are singing summer’s song

Bee’s just buzz in harmony,

Turtles bask upon a log

Froggies hop from here to there

I’ve been ready for so long

While she’s deciding what to wear.

 

 

 

As if by Magic

 

A magic trick for you

 

Pick a card….

Any card….

 

OK, don’t show it to me, but remember what it is.

 

Now, slip it back into the deck anywhere.

 

Shuffle them up.

 

Again, shuffle them really good.

 

Now, you – over there, cut the deck anywhere.

 

OK, ready?

 

Drum roll………

Is this your card?

Yes it was.

Yes it was.

No, I'm sure of it.

That was your card.

Well, you're just not remembering what you picked.

Yes it was.

Yes, I'm sure of it.

Yes it was.

See.  I told you.

The Weight of Despondency

 

There are some things that appear

like they shouldn’t work.

Then, there are things that work

that look like they should.

I’d like to examine just those things

that look like they shouldn’t but do.

Example:

Water is heavy.  A lot of water is heavier.

Nothing, except the weight of the planet itself

weighs more than the ocean.

Conclusion:  The ocean should sink.

A large cruise ship, with all of its furniture, snacks, equipment,

passengers and their pocket change are not as heavy

as the ocean.  Assuming for gravity’s sake that heavy things

belong on the bottom and light things on the top,

seeing a cruise ship stay on top of the ocean seems correct.

However, take those same passengers, even with their pockets

and pocket change, place them in the water and they should

float even more than does the cruise ship; most of them weighing less than the ship.  Here’s the thing…

Larry, having lost all of his pocket change to the slot machines

on the cruise ship, became despondent, not to mention still a

little hungry.  Larry jumped overboard.  Now, you would think

that not having the weight of his pocket change, he would be

just that much lighter.  Well, guess what?

 

Larry sunk like a rock.

Conclusion:  despondency has a significant weight to it.

The ship’s psychologist reported that it was Larry’s despondency that resulted in his sinking, and as Larry’s despondency was not detected previous to his boarding, the ship cannot be held liable.

 

Next week’s discussion:  The exchange rate of anxiety.

 

 

Tents, very

 

The thing about the forest

where the sunlight fails to see

in the shadows of the quiet

just behind that gnarly tree

lurks a dangerous whatever

that I somehow failed to see,

where thoughts imagine footsteps

and twigs snap by themselves

small, aggressive you-know-whats

not half as cute as elves,

sneak past my observations

and what sounded like a sneer

could have been my inner voice

I won’t be camping here.

 

The Faces of North Lake

 

 

I see it frowning in the fog

with furrowed brow it’s hard to see,

it’s my reflection standing there

the sliding doors in front of me.

 

It dances sprightly in the rain

when a million droplets fall

surely, I would go insane

should I try to count them all.

 

So peaceful on a summer’s day

turtles climb upon a log

fish, they swim the other way

when acorns hit them on the nog.

 

A frozen stillness, bleak with snow

A sight I’ll never see

for North Lake lives in Florida

quite happily with me.

 

Ha Ha

 

 

118°

 

 

It slithers through the desert

past cactus rock and brush

cross long forgotten riverbeds

flowing now with dust,

It coils in the sunshine

and awaits unknowing feet

be careful where you step my friend

the poor thing has to eat.

Its fangs are long and pointy

Its tongue gives but a flick

even if you jump away

you’ll never be that quick

It strikes you from a distance

It’s poisonous for sure,

you’ll curse the day

you went that way

your vision it will blur,

In agony you’ll wallow

on blistering sand you’ll lay

your breath now short and hollow

forever there you'll stay.

 

 

Three Chairs

 

Yesterday there were chairs of three

if you noticed the first one

you must have seen me,

Though different I looked

when I walked away

some part of me there

just opted to stay.

The second chair surely

was wicked and cruel,

While not at my best

with a sparkle of drool,

It wasn’t my favorite

and I didn’t go willing

Though some part of me

did find it quite filling.

The last chair of course

my favorite of three

Was nicely positioned

in front of TV

Safely back home

I hung up my coat

The odds of me leaving

are rather remote.

 

 

 

What Am I ?

 

I can fit between spaces

and get out of a cage

I can knock off your hat

or just turn a page

I can travel through time

and never get old

There are mountains I climb

but get thin, so I’m told

Without me you’d die

though I’d feel like a louse

It’s without me, however

your mom cleans the house.

I'm ready for my close-up

 

"That's an amazing stick.  As soon as
that stupid bird gets off it, I'll snap
the picture."

Reflections

 

It remains the stillness of the photograph

that draws me in

like the absence of punctuation

that speaks so loud

it is with things just out of reach

we end up

Pinecones

 True story

A friend of mine was having issues with

her ceiling plaster cracking.

Eventually a handyman went up

into the attic to investigate.

He discovered that the local squirrels 

were packing her rafters

with pinecones.

There were so many and so

tightly packed that he had to

use a prybar to get them out.

 

My Password

 

It’s numbers, letters and squiggles too

Yet nothing I remember –

I made my password hard to do,

Though easy in September.

This rhyme I made to help me think

How tricky I could be –

Just go up to October fifth,

Add two - divide by three.

I never need to write it down

It’s not that I don’t care –

Like sleepless in that emerald town

You simply name the bear.

Influenced by YOU-

 

Tube 

For way too long yesterday, I watched car crashes on YouTube.  Really bad drivers surrounded by very stupid people, crashing through intersections, becoming airborne, flipping over and over again.  It was mesmerizing.  Guys on motorcycles smashing head-on, as if they had been driving with their eyes closed.  Pedestrians at the mercy of Newton’s law.

Now, I hesitate to leave the driveway, because I know they’re out there, just waiting for me.

I think today I’ll restrict my television viewing to children’s cartoons, roadrunners going full speed into a cave door that’s painted on a boulder, a pig with a shotgun shooting at a rabbit eating a carrot and maybe a large house cat trying to smash a mouse with an oversized frying pan.

No problems there. 😜

 

 

At The Movies

 

When was the last time you saw a really good movie, had fresh, buttery popcorn, or actually cheered out loud at the end?

Have you ever enjoyed a performance so much that you sent the actor a letter?

Was the story so well written that you really didn’t know until the end?

 

These are just a few things you’ll never see on the Antique’s Road Show.  They are  small parts of our past that have been trampled by technology.  Computer schnanigians has replaced actual talent. The telling of a good story has been overshadowed by graphic violence, explosions and so-called movie stars.

It took an entire movie to get to the little smile on Dustin Hoffman’s face, as he rode away in the back of the bus with Elaine sitting next to him, but that smile was the perfect ending.

It was pure creativity to stop the film at the end of Butch Cassidy but keep the soundtrack going.

The antiques left abandoned in our attics are not the treasures, the  memories in our attic that still make us smile, those are priceless.  

My 2 cents

Lighting Appeal

 

 

A Logical Thought Process

 

I was dusting the items along the middle shelf when I noticed a magic coin.  I knew it must be magical, for it was a coin and I hadn’t spent it yet.  How did it survive my grasp and what possibly can I buy?

Its predecessors are the ones responsible for burning holes in my pockets. Maybe I can use it to buy new pockets.

OK, so I looked up Pocket Replacement Services on Google.  I found pool tables requiring maintenance, Doors that disappear into your walls, and odd-looking sandwiches.  Nowhere did I see blue jeans needing pockets, or holes in need of filling.

Now I’m beginning to think I’ve been through all this before.  It is sounding very familiar. In fact, I think I’m the one who set this coin here a while ago.  I think I’ll set it in a small dish of water.  Maybe that will keep it from burning.