The Pirate Joke

 

Hellen Snoop worked for WKLD in San Diego.  Her latest assignment was to locate and interview the last remaining pirate.  Word was that he hung out along the boardwalk, somewhere in the bars, between the tee shirt, and surfboard shops.

Hellen took her film crew down to the waterfront late Saturday night.  It was in a dimply lit bar where, sitting there in the back corner, was in fact, the very last living pirate.

          She stopped at the bar and asked the bartender what the old man was drinking.  Rum and Coke, the bartender replied.  Let me have two of them, she said.

As she approached the old pirate, she smiled and set the drinks down in front of him.

Hello, she said.  My name is Hellen, and I would like to interview you, if you don’t mind.

ARGGGG! Was the response of the pirate.  What be yer pleasure?

          How about if we just start off with a few questions, and if there is anything you don’t want to answer, just say, PASS.  OK?

          Ask away, the pirate said.

          Well, I can see you have but one leg.  Can you tell me what happened?

          Ah!  You see, we was doing battle on the high seas.  They were lobbing cannon balls at us, and we were lobbing cannon balls at them.  Well, I was just getting ready to fire at their ship when one of their cannon balls flew over the rail and took me leg off right at the knee.  I’ve had this peg ever since.

          Hellen looked down at her little tape recorder to make sure it was working.  It was.

          What about that hook where your hand should be? She asked.

          Once again lassie, we were swash-buckling out at sea.  They were jumping on our ship, and we were jumping on theirs.  I spun around to run this scallywag through with my sword, when as luck would have it, he was just wee bit faster than I, and he lopped me hand off at the wrist, but there isn’t anything you can do with you hand that I can’t do with this hook.

          And if you don’t mind – what about the patch over your eye?  Did that happen in battle as well?

 

          No Lassie, the seas were calm, the temperature was mild and only a hint of a breeze.  All of a sudden there was this big ruckus up in the crow’s nest.

          I looked up to see what was going on, when the biggest seagull I’d ever seen in me life, pooped right in me eye.

      Well… I’d only had the hook a couple days.