A Tattered Sail

Twas a foggy night in Gloucester

and drunk, some say, was I

fer breakin port, n' castin off

where ocean meets the sky.

and no one sailed away that night

but me, myself and I.

The bellowed sails arched forward

the mast gave dreadful moans,

as the biting winds came sharply through

with haunting, chilling tones.

no one stood the watch that night

but I, myself alone.

An hour out of Gloucester

and a nightmare out to sea,

I found the storm that laid in wait,

that waited there for me.

and face her is 

what I would do

upon the rolling sea.

The bow she plunged a mile deep

the waves crashed on the deck,

while I lay grip upon the helm

rain washed down my neck.

Now fear can travel to the heart

a storm the soul can weather,

and all my spirit drained that night

to hold that ship together.

Every line and buckle snapped

and every plank there be -

gave cries of death and dying,

as they twisted under me.

and no one ever felt as close

as I did to the sea.

Now the story from the mainland

and up and down the coast,

has torn apart my sturdy ship

and turned me to a ghost.

But I swear to you

on summer nights,

from the Gloucester Pup-N-Ale

upon the cold Atlantic face

some still can see me sail.

Out where the ocean meets the sky

some see a tattered sail.

Z. Corwin

A Man of Letters

Stanley Black & Decker
1000 Stanley Drive
New Britain, CT 06053

Dear Grass Trimming Design Team,

I purchased a Black & Decker Grass Hog, trimmer / edger, No. GH400, Type 5 and for the first summer it was great.  In fact, it was outstanding.  My wife and I both love the “No Bump” technology.   I am 63 and my wife is 60, and we do not have any children.  I mention this so you will understand that our things are not subjected to children or teenagers.  In the world of (Normal Wear), our items receive the very low end of normal wear. 

With this information, you will understand my concern when at the beginning of the second summer of use; we notice the plastic bracket is already failing.  (See photo)

Initially I would have thought you would make such a high stress point out of cast aluminum, as it would hold under normal pressure, and yet not be as expensive as steel.   However, I guess in such a competitive market, plastic is the way to go.  But even someone who hasn’t the foggiest understanding of leverage, stress factors and things that go bump in the night, can see that this is designed to fail.

Why would you do such a thing?  I kept asking myself that question and then last night it came to me:  you wouldn’t.  Of course not - you went to school; you got degrees with your name on them.  They are probably up on your wall for everyone to see.  No, it has to be Management.  Someone upstairs decided to cut some corners, and low and behold, the Customer gets screwed.

I have taken my B&D Trimmer / Edger to two hardware stores that sell B&D products, but no one has a replacement bracket.  The last salesperson suggested I look on-line.  I did, but without success, so I have taken some plastic cement, and half a roll of electrical tape, and have made a functional, albeit unsightly repair. 

My only request to you is that the next time you see one of those cost-cutting Management types walking down the hall, you stop them, look them in the eye and say, ZC thinks you’re a jerk.

I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Zobostic Corwin

PS

You may also want to tell them to change their slogan.  “Driven by a Passion for Excellence” just does not match up with what they are actually doing.

CAUTION

Do not use this

on your face or hands.

Still Unbroken

Chain Letter

A Pound of Cure

She held his head under

his breath was on hold -

To hold him down under

I thought was quite bold,

Then finally his hand

bobbed about in the air -

his eyes rolled around,

as if no one was there.

But she held his head under

with that look on her face -

that fierce, unrelenting look

of distaste -

For she'd had it to here

if you know what I mean,

Tolerant, patient -

thrifty and clean,

An example she'd set

a model - to all,

But she held his head under

with no sign of a brawl,

For she'd had it to here

and now was her chance -

his hand waved about,

she gave it no glance

But she gazed out the window

and thought with a grin,

of a world where no hiccups

could ever get in. 

Z. Corwin

Ruffled Feathers

All of the seabirds

sit facing the wind

Is no one looking behind?

All of the schools

swim flipper to fin

Synchronized turns

seem just fine

Stand six feet away

wash your hands, feet and toes

Sneeze into your elbow

Ah-chew!

Avoid people and crowds

and ducks you don't know

just stay home -

whatever you do.

Brought to you by: 

The Sneeze Advisory Board

and remember:  Never shake elbows with anyone.

Precautions

Before entering this Blog

please remove your shoes.

Gloves and face masks have been provided.

Please put them on.

Always signal before making any sharp turns,

and be sure to make an annoying

beep - beep - beep noise

when backing up.

Enjoy your stay

This is us, doing our part,

and no way out

Dream Cat-egories

Yarn

Toy mouse

Springy door-stop

Real mouse

Toilet-paper roll

Catnip

Real mouse

zzzzzzzz

Sunday Clothes

Just in Case

We could all see it was stained glass,

but she still spread newspapers

on the floor. 

but without a jackhammer...

Good-luck, I say.

Where there's smoke

Seriously -

an employee of the hotel was asked

to place a caution sign at the fire pit.

Apparently unaware that fire is hot

and plastic melts and burns...

he slid the sign where hotel guests

would be able to see it.