The Majors

Watching the Cubs play in the World Series brought back memories of my brush with the big league.  Many years ago I tried out for a team up in Michigan called the Detroit Tigers.

I remember spending an exhaustive week fielding grounders, catching pop flies, running the bases and of course, having my turn at bat.  I was more than good.  There didn’t seem to be a position I couldn’t play well.

During that week I not only interviewed with coaches and managers, I got to play in practice games with players like Al Kaline, Stormin’ Norman Cash, Harvey Kuenn; it was a time in my life that seemed quite unreal, and I was in heaven.

I didn’t hear from them for two weeks; the two longest weeks of my life.  When the letter came I remember my hands were shaking as I tried to open it.  It was, unfortunately a, we regret to inform you, letter.  They were all impressed with my abilities and liked me as a person, but apparently I did not have enough saliva to play in the majors.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had gone the entire week without spitting.

I just didn’t have what it took to play baseball.

 

 

Making Arrangements

 

Never rent the pillow -

That’s a profit making deal,

and don’t believe cremation

is something you won’t feel,

Now who’s to trim your toenails

when you’ve become – The Late?

and never let the cause of death

be something that you ate:

They’ll say a nasty mushroom

is why you did succumb,

As a newbie in the after-life

you’ll come off rather dumb.

 

Now who’s to trim your toenails?

I don’t mean to harp –

but the things will keep on growing

and some can be quite sharp,

I suggest - Eternal Trimming?

it’s a service for - The Late,

our trial plan runs 50 years

all paid from your estate.

 

 X__________________________________

 

 

 

 



Seems a shame to bury it

 

I knew it would be heavy once I had filled it,

but I didn't realize just how much digging it

was going to take to make a hole this big.

 

 

 

 



It Doesn't Work for Everyone

 

"OK, so I don't see my shadow.  So what?"



Choices...

 

 

Nailed it.



Little Known Fact

 

All buildings are initially made from rubble.

 

 

 

 



What if you're not sure...

 

 



The Manikin's Union

 

The Manikin's Union

allows a 30 minute lunch break

and two 15 minute breaks during an

eight hour shift.

 

As always, poses during lunch and break times are optional.

 



Carry the One