The Frustration of Nelson Bird

The problem began back at the beginning, which is to say, it all started at the issue table.  Nelson Bird was scheduled to receive the standard brain, as assigned to every bird in the system.  What actually happened is still debated to this day, but the end activity resulted in Nelson being issued a human brain.  Not only that, but an above average one.

The odd part was the brain itself was no bigger than the brain he should have been issued, but Nelson’s cognitive abilities far surpassed that of most humans.  Almost instantly, he was good at deductive reasoning, analyzing situations and almost knowing what was going to happen before it did. 

Of course, the part that was throwing Nelson a curve was, he understood he was a bird and shouldn’t have such abilities.  He had no idea why he understood the things he did.  This caused him to not fit in with either group.  He was not a normal bird, and neither was he human.  His inability to communicate with either species caused him great frustration and loneliness. 

After considering his options, he figured he had greater chances of having a person understand him than a bird, so he flew off in the direction of downtown.  While there he could also check out his reflection in a window, as he’d not yet seen himself.  There was more to the flying thing than he had thought.  Being up so high didn’t bother him at all, but there were many more bugs than he ever thought there would be.  Some would even sting when he flew into them, not that he did that on purpose.  He was still getting used to this whole vision during flight thing.  Stuff came upon you quickly when zipping through the air. 

As Nelson glided down towards a State Farm Insurance building he suddenly questioned if it was a new – unused brain he had received.  He realized he knew way too much for it to be brand new.  He already knew things, which would explain his little bouts of ESP.  He wasn’t psychic, he had lived something like this before. 

But whose brain had he gotten?  He’d never heard of anyone filling out a brain-doner card before.  Maybe he was delicious, running a fever or something.  How would he know if he wasn’t right in the head.  So far, none of the morning had made any sense. A bird receiving a human brain?  Just a bit silly, wasn’t it.

As he landed on the roof of one of the cars in the parking lot he closed his eyes.  He would just sit there for a minute and try to think this thing through.  With his eyes closed, he could hear people talking.  Maybe someone was walking through the parking lot.  Maybe they were headed out to lunch.

 What time is it, anyway? He wondered. Then the voice he heard was getting closer.  “It’s time to wake up Nelson.”

Someone was patting the back of his hand.  “Nelson, time to wake up.”  Nelson opened his eyes and saw a nurse looking down at him.  “The surgery went fine.  We’re going to have you sit up for a little bit.  Can you sit up for me?” 

Nelson felt groggy and kept fluttering his eyes trying to focus.  “Do you work for State Farm?”  

“No, I’m Betty.  Remember?  I’m your nurse.”

Nelson looked down at his hand.  He was glad to see he was human.  There was an IV attached, with lines leading up to a bag of fluid.  “Did I have surgery, or something?” 

“You gave us all quite a scare, Mr. Bird.  And yes, your surgery went just fine.  The doctor will be in to talk with you in a few minutes.” 

“Why did I have surgery?  What happened to me?”

“Apparently, two days ago when you crossed the street in front of the State Farm building, you were hit by a car.” 

“And there was a brain doner?”

“A what?  Did you say brain doner?  No Nelson, there was no brain doner.”

 

 

 

The End